August 29, 2011 – There is a famous story about Mr  Abdallah Gul, the islamist president of Turkey.  When he was a little boy in his native Kayseri, Anatolia, he rode on his bicycle upside-down with his head on the seat and his arms and legs flailing in the air.  Seeing his mother on the balcony of their home,  he shouted: “Look Ma, no hands”.  His mother commented to a neighbour: “Better he should say, look ma’, no brains.”.

And so, Mr. Gul (who has a Ph.D. in something from Istanbul) has stated that he has “lost faith” in the administration of Dr. Assad, president of the Syrian Arab Republic.  But what he really means is: “I’ve lost faith in the ability of Syrian islamists to take over in Syria and I am a British spy.” 

Any phrenologist can tell you that the shape of Mr. Gul’s head is not conducive to the efficient transmittal of synaptic impulses to the rest of the body.  In a long-distance study done at the Sorbonne’s Ecole De Psychologie Humaine for the French Surete Generale ,  Dr. Rongeur Fromageur, declared that “Abdallah Gul is afflicted with cephalomegaly on a simian platform.  Not designed for deep thinking.”  Well!  Is this the reason for his petulance when it comes all matters Assdadist??

Another anecdote dug up by the Mercury Press Services, forerunner to the Mercury News, casts an older interesting light on Mr. Gul’s odd Weltanschauung and programmatic crackpotism.  In 1999, he was asked how he felt about the Alawis of Syria.  He smiled and said: “We have a lot of Alevis in our country, too”. Of course, Mr. Gul was confused since the Alawis of Syria are off-shoots of Shi’ism whilst his Alevis, much more numerous,  are sunnis.When told later in the evening that the Alawis of Syria used to be called Nusairis, he remarked: “What’s that?”  He was told that the Nusairis were first called Alawis by the French in an effort to make them sound more islamic.  He laughed grandly and snorted: “Those are the same stupid bastards who gave us the Province of Hatay! Ha! It makes total sense; the French infidels would screw up even something like that.”

Ooops! The French ambassador, Vercingetorix Grande-Pimplemousse, who secretly spoke fluent English, was deeply offended and commented to Mr. Gul: “Just another stupid Turk”.  As the French ambassador took leave of the islamist cocktail party, Mr. Gul wrestled him to the ground and demanded that he retract the statement.  Almost asphyxiated by the stranglehold around his neck and unable to use his feet, the French ambassador, relented and said: “All right. You’re not just another stupid Turk.”.  A diplomatic row was averted when the French government accepted a case of Armenian brandy with a promise that the Turkish government would upbraid Mr. Gul.   Brunhilde Liebesbombe, Special Report for MNS.