August 26, 2011 – Look, I don’t abide people having their hands busted up because they make fun of a prominent individual.  The real story is that Mr. Farzat, a renowned Syrian satirical caricaturist, would not listen to security people who warned him that the “time was not appropriate for humourous drawings about the president”.  He ignored the admonitions and continued to portray Dr. Assad in a number of embarrassing panels depicting him, for example, frantically escaping danger with Colonel Qaddafi.  In general, his biting satires were intentionally overlooked by the security establishment during more peaceful times.  But in spite of numerous warnings, he would not relent during times of stress.  He is a seditionist in that his works were aimed critically at the president with the not-so-subtle suggestion that Dr. Assad leave office.  Mr. Farzat should have been arrested and tried in a security court where he could defend his actions.  I feel nothing for Mr. Farzat. 

I feel even less for Ms. Nuland at Foggy Bottom.  The Obama Adminstration has gone out of its way to continue the failed policies of GWBush and his ignorant, phrenetic oaf-VP, Cheney.  Whilst he made promises to turn a new page in this or that area, his efforts to pulverise American influence in the world have been an unalloyed success.  That Ms. Nuland would “condemn” Syria’s actions only amplifies American moral squalor as our country becomes more and more distanced from the lives of ordinary Syrian Arabs.  Who cares about sanctions or demands for a halt to sales of weapons to Syria?  Syria now manufactures its own missiles and has unlimited access to Iranian weapons systems.  Syria already has S-300 anti-aircraft missile networks and Yakhont ground-to-sea missiles from Russia.  Syria does not do business with you, you blithering idiot, Madame Nuland; so what leverage do you have?

From my reading of the news and from talk with relatives and friends in both Syria and Lebanon, the demonstrations have descended well below critical mass and are now bothersome little eructations of mild venom unworthy of comment.  The traitors, salafist criminals and seditionists are being picked up, detained and rehabilitated.  They should get back to work and try to save the rest of the summer tourist season.

MERCURY NEWS SERVICE – This just in: The rector of the Al-Razi Private Medical School in Latakia has publicly issued a thank you to Dr. Assad, a licensed opthamologist in his own right, for the “plethora” of salafist cadavers made available to the school for Gross Anatomy classes.  Dean Murad Nakhshabandi of the medical college, said with a broad smile that: “Our school will now train the doctors of the future with greater skill and  prepare them for specialisation in America where they can successfully seek American citizenship and privately fund the Muslim Brotherhood.”  Dean Nakhshabandi also remarked that the cadavers of salafists were mostly non-Syrians, a characteristic that made dissection all the more acceptable since no family member has come forward to claim the lifeless hulks.  The good dean also averred that the cadavers were curiously similar to those of “ordinary humans”.  Manfred Bainscrudge for MNS in Latakia, SAR.

ITALIAN GOVERNMENT declares war on SYRIANPERSPECTIVE!  Not that this caused anyone anxiety, the Italian administration of internationally recognised CHILD MOLESTER Silvio Berlusconi has apparently declared some kind of war against both SyrianPerspective and the Mercury News Service. Vowing to “ebringe a biggeh lawsuiteh to zis enemyeh of ze italianii populii, General Consul of the Italian Embassy in Washington, Fabrizio Maurizio Ditzio,  also revealed that the government of Sr. Berlusconi intended to hire Clarence Darrow “if necessary”.  Waving off protestations that Mr. Darrow was long dead, the diplomat confirmed that his government was taking this matter “tutti, tutti, tutti very serious”.  As our readers will recall, Mr. Berlusconi recently received the LORD GRAYBEARD INTERNATIONAL PEDOPHILE AWARD for his work in advancing the cause of GERIATRIC PEDOPHILISM.  Kumar Anoukhshimanda Pravadunk, MNS, D.C.   

And congratulations, again, Silvio!  Ziad Abu Fadel