August 13, 2011 – The reports are in and the results are conclusive: THE QUALITY OF THE AIR IN DAMASCUS HAS IMPROVED 400%. That’s right. According to imaginary NYT environmentalist Sayfuddin Mardacouche, since the Qataris (a/k/a Gutteris), Saudis, Bahraynis and Kuwaitis yanked their ambassadors from Damascus, the quality of the air improved by 400%! What a boon to an othewise depressing summer of swelter and smog in the old capital. According to eyewitness accounts, the city known in history as ‘AL-FAYHAA'” (the sweet smelling) has reclaimed its proper place as a redolent, fragrant center for the swirling beauty of flowers and herbs Since the four rag-headed ambassadors pulled up their stakes and went back to HUMDRUMORAMA IN THE PENINSULA, Damascenes could be seen removing their surgical masks to reveal their faces – a phenomenon mistakenly interpreted by western journalist buffoons as symbols of techno-religiosity. But no more! Damascenes are now free to breathe the fresh air of their ancient capital without fear of respiratory irritation caused by the rank stench of pungent armpits and shamefully unswabbed, ignored groins emitting from the privates of the above-mentioned “diplomats”. Syria is truly free today.
I wish Mr. Walid Mouallem would take a hard position against the Arabian plague-carrying pests who keep visiting our country. He should pull our ambassadors from Saudi Arabia, Gutter, Bahrain and Kuwait. What will they do? Where will they go to drink beer and feel the cool breezes of the Mediterranean, way up there in the mountain fastnesses of the Jabal Al-Sahil? No. I’m afraid they’ll have to put up with their air conditioning and dreams of Suuriya.
If any of you have heard about some unrest in Latakia, it’s true. The remnants of rabid-salafist hog-breathed Shakir Absi, snug as bugs in a rug inside the Al-Raml Palestinian area of Latakia have been reactivated by their masters, the Saudis, with promises of money for all their trouble. But as you all know, their trouble will lead them only to that noisome bidet in the bowels of Hell where their favorite devil awaits, there to be flushed down into the cavernous darkness whence there is no redemption. Shaker Absi is already there, waiting anxiously for his flock.
It’s time I tell you why the Syrian government’s response to these eruptions of salafist violence has been so resilient. Whilst I believe that the Assad administration has been slow in some areas to properly handle the street criminals (such as leaving their bodies to be formally interred – bad idea), the organized style of the Syrian high command leads me to believe that the army is commanded by superior minds.
Four men must be recognized here: Colonel Maher Al-Assad of the Syrian Special Fourth Division; Lt. General Dawood Rajiha, Chief of the Syrian General Staff; Lt. General Assef Shawkat, Deputy Chief of the Syrian General Staff and Lt. General Ali Habib Mahmoud, Defense Minister. This quadrumvirate of superior intellects has resulted in the efficient deployment of Syria’s armed forces without affecting the efficacity of the front-line four Army Groups (I,II,III,IV).
But it must not forgotten that leaders of Syria’s formidable security services have been working night and day to cleanse the streets of contagion-spreading dog-droppings in the form of salafists and takfiris. Lt. General Ali Mamlouk, Lt. General Abdel-Fattah Qudssieyyeh, Maj. General Jamil Hassan, Maj. General Deeb Zeitoun, Maj. General Zuhair Hamad, Col. Hafez Makhlouf, Lt. General Dhul-Himma Shaleesh, Lt. General Rustom Ghazali, Colonel-Major Manaf Tlas, all deserve our gratitude for a superb job well done.
What impressed me about the Syrian General Staff was the calm, deliberate and patient calling-up of Syria’s massive army reserves. Of course, not all were activated. Syria only needed about 30,000 from the armor and artillery corps. The tanks you see in some tapes rolling around Deir El-Zor or Hama are driven by reservists committed to the safety and security of the Syrian population and the protection of the Syrian government. They have never failed. Any of the handful of so-called deserters are dead-end career nco’s or flopped privates unable to take their appropriate medication. Their fate is as black as the blackest obsidian.
I saw a tape on Syrian television three days ago in which the anchorman warned viewers that the scene was horrific. I saw alleged “citizens” of Deir El-Zor, all men, chopping up the body of a young man who was a member of the Syrian militia. As they chopped him up like a chicken, they chanted: “Gullun Li-Al-Shabbeeha, Ahl al-Dayr DabbeeHa”, or “Tell the Shabbeeha, the People of Dayr El-Zor are butchers”. Wow. Isn’t that classy. I hope these murderers were captured and hanged, cremated and given to the winds of the Syrian desert.
Bilary Hamhocks Clinton, wife of cigar-stuffing sex-addict, Bill Blythe Clinton, is now calling for more worthless sanctions against Syria. She wants to stop trade and arms supplies. Really. You mean countries will have to forego millions of dollars in cash just to please you? – you homely little virago! Syria is backed by the financial power of Iran and Venezuela. Syria is heavily armed and does not need any more bullets to take out the American sponsored Al-Qaeda terrorists. Syria is doing fine, thank you very much, you blithering idiot.
Apparently, blood-thirsty David Cameron has brought peace back to the streets of England with the usual sedateness of a British gentleman. Good Show! Hurroo. Now why don’t you come to Syria and help us get rid of all those wogs lest they wind up in your country, Mr. Cameron. Ziad Abu Fadel