September 18, 2011 – Its a Sunday with a lot of news going on. The Palestinians of the West Bank are pressing the issue of statehood in the U.N. despite pathetic, disgraceful efforts by some European countries to stave off a major debacle for Oreo Obama and his bevy of fat female frogs at Foggy Bottom. Promising to appease American jewish voters and, most importantly, financiers, (who don’t want him anyway), he has assured the world that he’s going to use his big, bad ‘VETO’ to thwart the creepy Palestinian upstarts even though his efforts to start negotiations have come a bit of a cropper. His is an empty bag of tricks with no acceptable future for Palestinians. Oh, he’s got his big guns in Europe cajoling the Palestinians with the usual promises of this, that and the other. The zionists, from their side, are plotting new torments for the occupied territories (all of Palestine) in order to “punish” the Palestinians for doing the unthinkable – imagine that – trying to establish their own state. How dare they?!!! The scandalous use of the veto by Oreo Obama, for a second time, will assure him a place in the sacristy of foreign policy flops alongside George W. and world-class liar, Tony Blair. The U.S. will come out of this smelling like a swamp of fecal weeds just to please a small, special interest minority whose god is so trivial, he spends his time working in real estate, like a Century 21 branch manager, on some planet somewhere in the infinite void of space.
I predicted this. No one else did. The Libyan resistance to the colonialist-supported traitors who claim to be freedom fighters is more resilient than anyone had expected. At Bani Walid and Sirte, Qaddafi’s officers have properly marshalled their assets and deployed their strong suits in a clever, diabolical way which pleases me to no end. Although I despise Qaddafi, as I’ve said before, I abhor French and British politicians even more. I call out to President Assad, once again: Please, send Qaddafi’s forces shoulder-fired anti-aircraft weapons (SA-9). Send them retired Syrian officers and non-active reservists, PLA soldiers, PFLP-GC fighters and explosives experts, Saiqa commandoes and SSNP irregulars. Nothing will raise the morale of the Arab people more than a good war against imperialism. Send them one – I repeat – one, Yakhont ground to sea missile to knock out that one and only French aircraft carrier. The Algerians will look the other way as Syria takes back the momentum and jabs the stinking French right in their jaundiced eyes. The sight of French sailors being devoured by ravenous sea predators is worth the whole effort. Bon appetite!
Dr. Assad has permitted a ten-score meeting of Syrian slime outside Damascus. The meeting was held in the presence of our vaunted security people. Nothing came of it. The fake Local Coordinating Committees which are made up of one person, a la the Syrian Lavatory for Human Rights, claimed that they could not sponsor the meeting while suppression was going on. The LCC failed to mention that they were being allowed to function in complete freedom as they railed against the congregation of sterile, senescent landowning squires. What a gang of dwarfs! What ultramaroons. The dissident movement is beginning to appear more and more like a carnival sideshow.
MERCURY NEWS SERVICE – NEWSFLASH – Gunther Periwinkle-Quahog reporting. It has been confirmed that the United Arab Emirates has taken over from Thailand the dubious distinction of being the world’s most welcoming environment for child molesters. The North American Boy Lovers Association has given its imprimatur to the UAE on Saturday, September 17, 2011, in Dubai when, after a rather bawdy convention complete with scantily clad “ghulams” serving cigarettes and tea to portly, salivating pederasts, the President of NABLA, Bertrand Boniface, bodly declared to obvious audience approbation: “If you thought Thailand was a nest of depravity, well, I guess its going to have to give a wide berth to Abu Dhabi and the other emirates” (wild applause and cheers). In all my life, I have never been in a setting so ideally suited for the education of pre-pubescent boys in the arts of satisfying the lusts of older men like us. (even wilder cheers). It is with great pleasure that I bestow our annual Edmond Pharaoun-Liberace International Buggerers’ Certificate of Appreciation to Emir Khalifa Ibn Mutakhallif Al-Thalith of Abu Dhabi for his support, both moral and financial. Without his commitment to the principle that no one is immune to fetishism, this meeting could not have taken place.”
Prince Khalifa who is responsible for the building of the world’s largest gold-inlaid stable for dromedary camels was asked by this reporter how he could reconcile Islam’s very strict prohibition against child molestation with his country’s adoption of the practice as a moral imperative. He answered in his now patented: “Why not? If it can be done. Then, why not?” He then walked in the direction of a blond boy from Norway impatiently waiting for him. He waved at the crowd trying to mob him and, with the boy named Bjorn, left in his pink Rolls-Royce. Elspeth Worcester-Pantaloon of the Meridian Travel Group told this reporter that the event marked something “epochal” in the history of the United Arab Emerates. “We, of course, do not advertise this area as family friendly.” Ziad