October 17, 2011 – I just returned from our dacha without any fish to speak of. It rained all weekend with gusts of cold wind under lugubrious, pitiless clouds of gray and black. My friend, who accompanied me, Mark the Brit, true to his icy northern European ancestry, took it all in stride, heaving huge quantities of beer throughout. Bad weekend for Michigan sports. We went to the local Ramada Inn at 7:00 a.m., at Mark’s insistence, to watch the Liverpool/Manchester football game. The result was good for his grandmother’s home team of Liverpool. Then the University of Michigan was trounced by the slacker Spartans in Lansing to the usual boorish display of gibberish heard only at MSU and professional wrestling matches. Then the Tigers were slaughtered 15-5. Then the Lions were massacred by the 49ers. Oh, woe! And now, Syria has agreed (with reservations) to an Arab League request for talks between the government and the opposition. I oppose this and warn Dr. Assad that it smells of Saudi – rank and foul. Don’t do it! Withdraw from the Arab League and save some money on dry cleaning.
MERCURY NEWS SERVICE EXCLUSIVE – “EMIRATES AIRLINES SPONSORS SPECIAL TOURS FOR PEDOPHILES” – Tareq Ghulam reporting from Doha – “Got the itch?”. Well that’s the new pitch to the world of pedophiles by Emirates Airlines which has been leading the commercial air travel world in new ideas and innovations. The Emirates is offering discount seats to any circumcised adult male flying to Doha for the specific purpose of “buggering some punk”. Ha! ha!. It’s no joke. It’s real! A tour starts with a stopover in Rome to visit with an assortment of disgraced Catholic priests followed by a non-stop jump straight to Doha, in Gutter, where the passengers are delivered to the Al-Lootiyya Hotel, home to the international branch of the North American Boy Lovers Association. Besides being greeted by PRINCE DRUM SON OF DOUBLE DRUM HUSBAND OF MADAME BANANA, the guests are taken on a tour of the His Highness’ “harem” of Eastern European male orphans who now number 1,700, every one of whom has been molested intimately by the porcine prince. After that, the Emirates’ brochure describes a tour of Abu Dhabi’s “Tababja Quarter” to witness male marriages to prepubescent boys. Then, after a week of tasting the delights of Araby, the tourists are whisked off to Thailand for even more “fun in the sun”. The reigning prince of Dubai, Khuld “Why Not?” Son of Drudge praised the plan as good for the Emirates and promised even more boy-buggery in the future once the tour package “takes off”.
Navi Pillay, resident Chai-wallah of the U.N. Commission on Human Rights denounced the Emirates tour as sexist for the reason that “no provision is made for lesbians”. She plans to bring an action in the World Court to challenge the Emirates Airlines gender-limited tour package. Emirates Airlines president, Nils “DeBauch, dismissed the criticism as “insensitive to bedouin Arabian custom” and promised no compromise on the subject. We will keep our readers informed.