October 6, 2011 – MERCURY NEWS SERVICE FLASH: “QATAR’S TYRANT PROHIBITS EATING BANANAS IN HIS COUNTRY”,  Sidney Fishbasquette reporting special to MNS from Doha-The government of Gutter (a/k/a Qatar) announced today a new “faraman” from the royal palace declaring the eating of bananas “haram”.  No citizen or visitor may now peel or eat a banana in the Gulf ministate.  At a press conference held at the PRINCE FATSO HOTEL in Doha,  Sheikh Doldrum son of Boredom Al-Thani described what was a “gut-wrenching” decision by the Arabian autocrat.  He went on to say: “Because our First Lady is named `Mauza’ which means `banana’ in Arabic,  our Supreme Ruler took note that people were making lewd and salacious comments about her”.  Apparently, the expression “peeling a banana” or “eating a banana” took on a somewhat scurrilous meaning that hurt the First Lady’s feelings which caused her to shop “phrenetically” when in German two weeks ago to collect her husband after a disastrous effort to hoist him on to a Hercules Transport Airplane.  The eating of bananas in Qatar and the rest of the Arabian Peninsula is considered “absolutely essential” to maintain electrolytic balance in the blood.  It is very common to enter a Qatari home and see crates of Chiquita Bananas on the floor with residents grunting as they stuffed their mouths with the apparently delicious fruit, sometimes unpeeled.  Dr. Gustaff Schtubbel of the Free University of Sharjah said that in “test after test” conducted by his school,  the overwhelming impression was that Qataris either were impersonating chimpanzees or were, in fact, “a close cousin of the ape”.  The school is now recruiting Qataris for blind-testing. SF