March 30, 2012 – FIRST POST – MERCURY NEWS SERVICE reports from Baghdad on Arab Summit.  THIS IS THE SUMMIT WHERE ALMOST NOBODY SHOWED UP BUT THE HOSTS.  Leonhard Mussendenjetzt special to MNS.

Baghdad.  The Arab Summit held in Baghdad promised so much and delivered next to nothing.  More than half of the Arab leaders failed to show up.  What some delegates thought were celebratory firecrackers were, in actuality, efforts by terrorists to blow up the entire event along with the delegates.  Only Arab “wankers” showed up: the President of the Comoros Islands,  Field Marshall and President of Sudan, Omar Bashir, who is wanted for war crimes and genocide by the World Court, Sheikh Sabah Sabah Sabah of Kuwait who appeared in the throes of senility, President Michel Sulayman of Lebanon who appeared uncomfortable around all those low-level delegations and the humiliating facts go on and on. 


President Nouri Al-Maliki of Iraq didn’t even bother to shave while greeting the delegations from the Arab World
There was no dearth of issues for these Arab leaders or their factotums: Syria was on top of everyone’s list even though situation in that country had barely been broached before Iraqi F.M. screamed out: “It’s lunch time!”.  President Assad, whose delegation was not invited due to a suspension of Syria’s membership last year, stayed in Damascus like almost everyone else who was an active member. 


                                 Iraqi insurgents left a calling card for the Arab League delegations. 
Most delegates appeared bored, anxiously awaiting the “activities counselor” appointed by Iraq to keep the guests enthused about their work.  He glumly reported to this writer that “even shuffleboard couldn’t keep these blokes awake.”  The Qatari delegation was represented by a known child molester from Doha, Sheikh Hamad Ibn Loot,  who insisted that his leader, Prince Drum son of Doubledrum husband of Madame Banana, would not attend because of the “sectarianist policies” of Iraqi leader Nour Al-Maliki.  The Iraqi foreign ministry would not comment on the portly prince’s absence.  However, Dr. Fayez Khuzistani, a noted commentator remarked that the Qatari prince does not travel to countries where capital punishment is available for pedophiles, considering such practices to be “barbaric”.  When I asked which practice was barbaric, capital punishment or child buggery, he responded acidly: “Why capital punishment, of course.”

The conference broke up today with Prime Minister Al-Maliki refusing to see anyone off at the airport.  His office commented that the drive to Baghdad International Airport was “too dangerous” and that it was for the best that the Arab legations left unaccompanied. 

Everyone agrees that the star of this Arab League Summit was Iraq.  It spent over 500,000,000 U.S. Dollars to produce this spectacle and to prove the country was back in action.  Yet, not one single accomplishment could be pointed to even by the summit’s organizers and supporters. In the meantime, President Assad derided the event as nothing more than a “junket for wanted criminals and sexual deviants.”