SECOND POST – MAY 10, 2012

SYRPER’S WEEKLY BRAIN TEASER.  Get out your pencils and Elmer’s Glue for this one.  It’s really hard. Good luck.  The winner’s prize is a Tiffany-encrusted fly swatter from England.  It has “Emirates” emblazoned on the handle.

1.  President Obama just gave his support to same-sex marriage.  Why?

a. Obama thinks it will reduce the world’s population;
b. Obama’s a pervert, that’s why;
c. Obama’s wife, Michelle, was born “Michael” and their kids are adopted Kenyan orphans;
d. It’s what all cool liberals now believe. Otherwise, he’d lose the “Cool Liberal Vote”;
e. He didn’t want Joe Biden to beat him to the punch.

 2.  Claustrophilia is the new sex perversion in England.  Who just died doing it?

a.  Prime Minister Cameron’s paternal uncle, Stammeron;
b. Gordon Brown’s wife. He lovingly stuffed her in a box;
c. Kenny Dalgleish after an humiliating defeat at the “feet” of Hotspur;
d. Perennially constipated actor, Jeremy Irons, in a sombrero hatbox;
e. MI-6 mathematical cryptographer, Gareth Williams, after being zipped up in a duffel bag.

3. What do you do when confronted by an aggressive, hungry grizzly bear?

a. Confuse the animal by doing the “limbo” dance or even, the Twist;
b. Demand a conference with your priest for extreme unction;
c. Talk to the bear, they find human voices soothing;
d. Get on our knees and plead for mercy;
e.  Fire your Stinger missile straight at its abdomen and run! 

4.  The Greeks cannot agree on a government for the following reasons:

a. They love to watch the Germans squirm;
b. They can’t agree on anything, especially a government;
c. All new governments outlaw “sheep-dating”;
d. They already know the new government is going to demand that people pay taxes;
e. The Greeks are anarchist bon vivants with little time for governments or paying back debt.

5.  Sheikh Hamad Bin Jassem, the P.M of Qatar, has just been rejected by a Coop Board in NYC. Why?

a. His offer of 37,000,000 was not in dollars, but in Lebanese lira;
b. He would only agree to having 40 adolescent boys in his condo and not the requisite 60;
c. He refused to stop wearing his bedding all the time;
d. His dietary habits disgusted the other residents; especially fornication with goats before ritual slaughter;
e. He is viewed uniformly as a disgusting, despicable, filthy terrorist financier and professional liar.

6.  James Cameron just plumbed the depths of the Marianas Trench in a submersible. Why?

a. To go where no man has gone before, naturally;
b. To get more footage for an “editor’s cut” of his movie: “The Abyss:”;
c. There are fish which no man has ever tasted and Cameron’s a gourmand;
d. Cameron’s Canadian and that makes him do oddball things;
e. Cameron is a white man and that makes him do oddball things no Syrian would ever risk.

7. Why do some very intelligent people buy the cheapest beer on tap?

a.  In beer lore, the cheapest beer is always the luckiest;
b.  The cheapest beer has the fewest toxic compounds, hence, less hangover;
c.  It’s lighter than the heavier Germanic beers and easier to hoist when drinking;
d.  The cheapest beers are the most popular and therefore will always be fresher than the costly types;
e.  They’re just stingy.

8.  Who are the most boring people in the world according to SyrPer sociologist, Zenda Huffring?

a. The Swiss, they’re about as soporific as they come;
b. The Dutch, a real snooze;
c. Inuit Eskimos. One drink and they’re out for the count;
d. British nobility. I mean, how much can anyone take?
e. Wahhabist Muslim fundamentalists. What a sleep-inducing rabble they are. 

 9.  When in doubt about the safety of eating any food, what should you do?

a. Swallow it quickly and prepare to vomit as soon as you feel sick;
b. Ask the waitress if she could get another sample;
c. Eat it with at least five swigs of your favorite Tequila;
d. Curse it and make a big scene;
e. Don’t eat it, stupid!

10. Humphrey Bogart had a European cousin. What’s his name?

a.  Cyrano DeBergerac;
b. Fra Lippo Lippy;
c. Anita Ekberg;
d. Olga Bumpp;
e. Dirk Bogarde.