JUNE 5, 2012 – MERCURY NEWS SERVICE EXCLUSIVE: ARABIAN CARTEL BUYS THE BBC FOR UNDISCLOSED SUM OF MONEY. HEAD OF CARTEL PROMISES “BOLDER FABRICATIONS”! McBundy Fitzfroth reporting from London. Brunhilde Liebesbombe contributed to this report.
Coming immediately after Queen Elizabeth’s Diamong Jubilee and amidst the hurly-burly of festivities along the entire length of the Thames River, with stuffy nobles mixing with ordinary Londoner “scum”, the BBC announced its complete purchase by a cartel of “Arabian gazillionaires” on Monday. The actual signing of the sales contracts took place last night at the Ritz-Snarlton Hotel amidst great secrecy. The BBC will not disclose the actual purchase price. However, a photo of Madame Helen Boaden, Director of BBC, was taken as she snuck away from the meeting with the documents in hand. A look of pride was visible on her face.
Ms. Boaden can’t disguise her happiness at having sold the BBC to the most “proper of proprietors”, as she announced after the meeting.
The BBC is the world’s largest news organization with over 120 hours of television and radio every week. Its sale to an Arabian company headed by Prince Mizzraab Ibn Tayyiz has sent media markets into a frantic tizzy as competitors had to deal now with a new uptick in the “fabricated news market”. Brunhilde Liebesbombe caught up with the Prince as he was leaving a London bathhouse in the new upscale London suburb of Turkzania.
Prince Mizzraab, seen here without his kuffiyya, claims he is wealthier than Lebanese communications giant, Carlos Slim. The Prince heads the “Save British Boys Society“.
The prince was quite sombre in his assessment of the transaction: “We have come to England to buy your prized fountainhead of reliable information. We intend to refashion it to meet our needs at this time. The old objectivity will have to be re-evaluated.” When asked if that meant that the BBC would now be involved in “outright lying”? he responded tersely, “Yes”.
“And what about Ms. Boaden? Will she stay on as director, or do you have someone else in mind. There are rumors that the director of the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, a Rami Abdel-Rahman, is being eyed for that job.”
The Prince became oily and greasy, nay, twitchy and uncomfortable, at the suggestion that Ms. Boaden might be replaced. He would only state: “Our Wahhabist theology views women as extremely unreliable in matters of truth. It would seem that Ms. Boaden would be appropriate for the task. Mr. Abdel-Rahman will be appointed to other departments in coordination with his principals at MI6.”
Rami Abdel-Rahman, an alleged Syrian, has gained international fame for his creative use of the Ouija Board to report on events in Syria. England is now the world’s biggest purchaser of the Ouija Board and is expected to stay that way after the sale of the BBC to the Arabian cartel.
We spoke to Sir Aloysius Percival Underbent, head of the Department of Economic Subterfuge at Tetley College, about the Arabian takeover of the BBC. Here is what he said:
“Oh, I’m not so worried about the BBC. Why, they’ve been buying our football clubs for decades now. But an even more clandestine move by the Arabians from Saudi, Qatar and Kuwait, is related to the British government’s use of male orphanages to leverage deals for money with the princes of Arabia. It seems there is some market for European boys in that part of the world.”
We were able to connect with Prime Minister David Cameron’s chief secretary, Orville Tartte, and asked him about the allegation that English male orphans were a part of some “collateral” deployed for use in obtaining petrodollars from Gulf countries. He referred us to the Prime Minister and would not address any of our questions.
P.M. David Cameron seen here last year congratulating boys from the Lower Surrey Orphans’ Hostel on winning a two year, all-expense paid “educational” trip to Qatar as guests of Prince Drum Son of Double Drum. The young lady to Mr. Cameron’s left was specifically not invited.
Researchers at MNS discovered a video transcript of a session at the House of Commons in which Mr. Cameron was pointedly asked about Britain’s role in fostering pedophilism in the Arabian Peninsula. While his answers were duplicitous, dissimulative and dismissive, this did come out: “What’s wrong with giving the little bastards some experience abroad?”
Mr. Cameron seen here with Defence Minister Hague in the background defends sending “the little bastards abroad for multi-cultural experience”. To his left is cross-dressing MP, Dwight Stiffcrouton.
McBundy Fitzfroth will continue his report as events develop. So will Brunhilde.