AUGUST 3, 2012 – THIRD POSTING – MNS INTERVIEWS HAITHAN AL-MALEH, NEWLY SELF-APPOINTED SOMETHING OR ANOTHER FOR THE “TRUSTEES OF THE SYRIAN REVOLUTION”.
(Many of our readers have never heard of Haithan Al-Maleh. And that will probably not change much even after reading this interview. He is a long-time jailbird, pest and Sunni Islamist activist/terrorist committed to ridding Syria of Alawis. He was big with the Syrian National Council until he departed their organization to set up another claiming the SNC was “inefficient”, “ineffective” and “boring”. So here it is.)
Paris, France. Lydia Dreck-Palmpfister reporting for MNS. Ogden Orffe photographer.
MNS: Mr. Maleh, are you related to Haitham Al-Manna’? You both have such similar names.
AL-MALEH: No, we have different fathers. But, our first names are the same. That’s probably the cause of the confusion.
MNS: Oh. Okay. What is the purpose of appointing you as the man who is going to establish a government in waiting after President Assad leaves power?
AL-MALEH: We thought we needed to do something. Anything. The French keep putting pressure on us to appoint “somebody” as “something”. So, I appointed myself as Syria’s new government in waiting. I mean, it’s either that, or the French will cut off our food supply. (smiles).
MNS: Can you go back now to Damascus as the new leader of Syria?
AL-MALEH: You must be joking. They’d arrest me again. I’m tired of that same cell. My new headquarters will be in London. I’ll rule Syria from there.
MNS: But you obviously have strong ties to the Free Syrian Army. We assume you’re now their leader. Have you had any contact with Colonel Al-As’ad recently?
Former Syrian Army Colonel Riad Al-As’ad is seen here standing second from the left with the notorious Burhan Ghalioun to one side pushing in his beer-belly. The others were described as Turkish gay rights activists.
AL-MALEH: He said cruel things to me. He was disrespectful. It turned out he was the one who had me jailed last time. I couldn’t believe it. He called my wife a “tart”.
MNS: Do the French know about Colonel Al-As’ad’s attitude toward the exile leadership?
AL-MALEH: I just attended a meeting with President Francois Hollande at his office. Did you know he has four bastard children? Amazing. We broached the subject of the FSA and the need to bring it under control. He would only smile and ask us “when we were going to move to England”? It is very frustrating. I don’t think anybody wants to solve the problem.
Francois Hollande, Le President, acknowledges paternity in this photo at the Cours Des Affaires Batards in Paris. It is believed that Angela Merkel is also filing a suit in bastardy soon.
MNS: Did you have anything to do with the assassination of the four generals last month in Damascus?
AL-MALEH: Yes. I gave the order. We did the planning. We take full credit for that. The janitor who put the bomb under the table was my Polish-born nephew, Abdul Cownofski. Here, I have a photo of him. His mother is very upset, though.
Abdul Cownofski, seen here in the photo provided by Mr. Al-Maleh, preaches love and peace to a group of deaf Icelandic children at Reykjavik airport. He went on to Luxembourg to cash in his earnings.
MNS: So what are your plans for the near future?
AL-MALEH: Maybe we can get our hands on some of that money from the United States. I could retire in the Seychelles Islands. I don’t know. There isn’t alot to do now. Maybe just go back to Britain.
MNS: And the new government? How will you attend to that?
AL-MALEH; I promised to make it inclusive. I even suggeted keeping some of the better people in the Assad government. I even suggested keeping Dr. Assad and making him Surgeon General. There was little interest. It’s Ramadan you know. I ‘m getting sleepy. Would you like a cracker?
(The interview ended on that note).