FIFTH POST – AUGUST 22, 2012 – GERMAN AGENTS WORKING AGAINST SYRIA ARE PART OF A UNIQUE MILITARY FORCE – SO REPORTS THE MERCURY NEWS SERVICE
Uwe Schewe Duhe reporting from Munich. Aslan Eskidenya from Gaziantep, Turkey. Special to Mercury News Service.
MNS has learned that the German team that is helping the Syrian deserter army and Islamist terrorists in Turkey is none other than the vaunted “LinkHandeGruppe” which is also known as the “LinkischBrigade”.
The unit is a part of Germanys Bundesnachrichdienst (BND) (Germany’s CIA) and has elements of the army in its organization. MNS has learned that the commander of this unit in Turkey is the somewhat eccentric Obergruppenfuhrer Hundsruck Schparkpflugg who controls both the land and sea aspects of the operation to unseat the popular president of Syria, Dr. Bashar Al-Assad.
Sporting pure Aryan features, the Colonel mugs for the camera just before leaving Bad Tolz, Germany, to take up residence in Gaziantep, Turkey.
His unit’s performance has been noticeably questionable given some of the difficulties facing it. One of the most pernicious problems has been ignorance. The unit cannot speak Arabic or Turkish. The Turkish aids speak a very poor Arabic and little German. The Arab terrorists speak very poor Arabic. Thus, language communication has been somewhat unreliable. Colonel Schparkpflugg has resorted to using drawings to teach the Syrian and foreign terrorists. “It is the universal language!”, he barked as we followed him walking to a Gaziantep Brauhaus. Unfortunately, it does take a long time to train a military unit with only drawings. As he sauntered into the brewery, he also remarked that it was “very hard to train these village oafs”.
It took the Colonel’s unit several days to get these recruits to stand up after a drawing showing a marksman crouching with a rifle captured their imagination.
Communication, disinformation and signal intelligence, however, is the purpose being served by the LinkischGruppe. The colonel’s men and women direct operations for the Islamist terrorists in a Western effort to overthrow Bashar Al-Assad, the Syrian president. They eavesdrop on Syrian army communications; they give satellite information to Islamist murderers in places like Aleppo; they send silly messages to Syrian officers in German, and the like. We asked the Colonel about how the work is going.
Seated over a Turkish beer which he described as “Schlecht…nicht schmeckt so gut”, he continued through his English interpreter while grimacing: “This is a very secret operation. We are trying to get the deserters to establish a base in Aleppo. It’s difficult.because the Syrian army is not cooperating. We are also getting messages on our ship like ‘buy Makhlouf tires’ or ‘we have better beer’. We are not getting the kind of intelligence we were promised. One message came in as “KHARAA”. I understand that in Persian it means ‘donkey” but in Arabic, it means ‘Scheisse‘. This is very frustrating”.
We noticed a young member of the German team standing outside and asked him what her role was in the LinkischGruppe. The Colonel responded that she was part of the “entertainment corps” which accompany all true German units.
“Es ist mir eine Freude, Sie kennen zu lernen“, purred this young member of the team. Her name is Gretchen Katz.