AUGUST 8, 2012 – FOURTH POST – SYRPER’S WEEKLY BRAINTEASER. We have been inundated with complaints about the failure to post a Brainteaser last week. One reader, Akram, threatened to stalk me after three o’clock and ruin my cocktail hour if I ever did that again. Okay, so here it is. The prize this week will be a valuable trophy for the winning contestant.
1. The English expression: “Rode Hard and Put Away Wet” means what?
a. A Qatari Arab raped a seven year old Romanian boy and wouldn’t let him shower;
b. Drove a car in the rain and parked it in the garage without drying it off;
c. A psychotic hairdresser beat his client to death and didn’t bother to complete her perm;
d. He churned the concrete vigorously but the concrete wouldn’t harden;
e. He rode the horse to the max but did not allow the beast to dry off. In other words, he allowed the horse’s muscles to cramp rendering the animal disabled or useless.
2. Idi Amin retired comfortably in Saudi Arabia before his death. Who has taken over his chalet?
a. Zein-Al-Abidine Ben Ali, former president of Tunisia;
b. Manuel Noriega. The man in prison is really his double.
c. Robert Vesco; He was never in Costa Rica.
d. Ivana Trump; She loves the Islamic style.
e. Nobody. He never had a chalet. He shacked up with Prince Bandar Bin Saud.
3. Who is the Syrian who contributed most to science in the 20th Century?
a. Dr. Science. His real name is Sheikh Ali Al-Mahshi;
b. Mr. Wizard. He’s really a woman named Fifi Sarsour;
c. Mr. Goodwrench. Born in Homs as Reehto Nitneh;
d. Mr. Clean. His real name is Tareq Ghulam;
e. The Syrian Golden Hamster.
A/K/A mesocritus auratus syrianus. The syrian golden hamster is the fourth most used rodent in laboratories.
4. What specialty is the most sought-after by Saudi Arabians for medical treatment?
a. Epidemiology; There’s always some STD plague affecting those Peninsular Arabs;
b. Deviant Psychiatry: Need to know why they crave prepubescent boys;
c. Rectology. The specialty dealing with where Saudis live;
d. Humorology. They still live in the world of humors;
e. Veterinary medicine. Their metabolism is simian. I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!
5. A person who always sleeps drunk in taverns is called what in English?
a. A besotted somnambulist;
b. An outrageous drunkard;
c. Intoxicatus Soporificus;
d. Repeat schnockered nocturnal adverse tenant;
6. The Arab Spring is now referred to by Arabs as?
a. The Arab Flopporama;
b. The Arab Fecal Winter;
c. The Arab Spring Compost Heap;
d. Springtime for Terrorism;
e. The Winter of our Discontent.
7. The Qatari soccer club was not allowed to participate in the London Olympiad because?
a. They refused to sleep in their team quarters without seven year old boys – illegal in the U.K.;
b. They demanded that London stop serving beer during their stay in the U.K.;
c. They all tested positive for banananiasis, AIDS and putrescent effluvia;
d. They would not take off their flowing, soiled white robes to play on the field;
e. There is no, and never will be, a Qatari soccer club, silly.
8. Like all Latter Day Saints (or Mormons), Mitt Romney sports underwear made of:
e. Arkadian silk.
9. All Jihadists for Allah who die in battle shall go to what place?
a. Coney Island;
b. Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum;
c. A cemetery;
d. A medical school anatomy lab;
10. Why won’t a polar bear eat penguins?
a. A polar bear only eats animals in the North Pole, stupid;
b. Polar bears will eat penguins, depending on their mood. That’s why they’re called bi-polar bears;
c. Polar bears mistake penguins for elegantly dressed humans and stay away from them;
d. Northern bears eschew birds because they don’t have the ability to prepare them properly;
e. A polar bear will eat anything and everything.
Today’s winner is promised a beautiful trophy for his or her wall. This week we guarantee you the dried
ear of Colonel Abdul-Jabbar Al-Oqaidi, the stupefyingly stupid Commandante Zero of the Cheaper Syrian Army in Aleppo. Good luck.