AUGUST 16, 2012 – WEEKLY BRAINTEASER – BY POPULAR DEMAND
This week’s mind-bending test has a sweet ending for the winner. That’s right! The winner will receive a full night of mindless indulgence at the “Qatar YMCA and Spa” on 5th Avenue and Lexington in New York City. Sorry, no accommodations for females. If the winner is a female, she will receive in-home, lifetime tutoring in the Holy Qur’an!! Either way, imagine the fun.
1. The only dog breed known to be indigenous to the Middle East is:
a. The Saudi Arabian;
b. The Canus Emiratus;
c. The Libyan Goon;
d. The Saluki;
e. The Kuwaiti Retriever.
2. Ron Paul and Paul Ryan are related. How?
a. Both are named Paul, obviously;
b. Like blacks and orientals, white people are all related to one another;
c. Both are members of the North American Anglers Association;
d. Their wives are mother and daughter, respectively;
e. They are both worshipers of Ayn Rand.
3. Woody Allen once established a difference between the Jews of Poland and Russia. What is it?
a. The Jews of Poland can’t screw in a light bulb while Russian Jews can do it if there are two of them;
b. The Jews of Poland drink less vodka than those in Russia;
c. The Jews of Russia don’t believe in God;
d. Russian Jews are part of the Masonic-Zionist-Hapsburg-Rothschild conspiracy to rule the world;
e. Polish Jews have spots whereas Russian Jews have stripes.
4. Alexander Litvinenko, Russian dissident, died in a London hospital from poisoning. What caused it?
Is this what happens to people who try British cuisine?
a. English cooking;
b. Too much foie gras;
c. Warm Mackeson’s Stout;
e. Listening to the ambassador of Qatar.
5. The O in O.J. Simpson’s name is really:
6. In James Fenimore Cooper’s “Last of the Mohicans”, who was the last mohican?
a. Jay Silverheels;
b. Edward James Olmos;
c. Ed Sullivan;
7. John Gotti was lovingly called “the Teflon Don” before conviction; What was he called after that?
a. The Kevlar Don;
b. The Depleted Uranium Don;
c. The Dandruff Don;
d. The Magnetic Dummy Don;
e. The Velcro Don.
8. What are the names of the “Four Aces” of the old Cunard lines:
a. Spade, Diamond, Heart and Club;
b. Algernon, Aloysius, Ambrose and Atfoot;
c. Cognac, Champagne, Port and Sherry;
d. Tweedle Dee Tweedle Dum
e. Excambion, Exeter, Exelsior and Excalibur
9. What is the main ingredient in a successful chicken liver pate Hungarian Jewish style?
a. Dead chickens;
b. The accent grave on the word “pate”;
c. The blood of unbaptized Christian children;
d. Authentic Mexican plantains;
10. What is Johnny Depp’s real name?
a. Umberto Sandoval-Kruppsky;
b. John Wayne;
c. Sepp Depp Dietrich;
d. Olive Depp-John
e. John Depp.
Remember, you cannot use any research tools to ace this test. We’ll know if you do.