SECOND POST – NOVEMBER 8, 2012 – THIRD NOMINEE FOR ANNUAL TONY BLAIR LIAR OF THE YEAR AWARD:
SyrPer readers flooded our mailboxes with angry missives decrying our failure to include perennial fabricator and professional flim-flam man, RAMI ABDEL-RAHMAN, of the SYRIAN OBSERVATORY FOR HUMAN RIGHTS. We concede that our omission was inexcusable for no one person has done more to promote the “pseudo-science” of lying more than this possibly non-existent figment of some English spy’s imagination. Abdel-Rahman claims to live in Coventry where he operates a bookstore, has a female child, is married, exalts Michel Kilo, and conducts EARTH-CHANGING, WORLD TREMBLING, COSMOS-ALTERING conversations with imaginary trolls conjured up on his Ouija Board. Always ready to coddle the inveterate scam-hounding of his Al-Jazeera procureurs and financiers, he revels in battles that never happened, in massacres committed by his confederates, in unspeakable torture he always blames on the “regime”.
Rami Abdelrahman now joins Susan Rice and David Cameron as fellow contestants for the coveted 2012 Tony Blair Liar of the Year Award. You can see Abdelrahman struggling to rearrange the truth in this photo taken at Charing Cross.
This rat of rats, will never see his homeland Syria again. He will die in England. But does he really exist?
About three years ago I asked an aide to Lt. Gen Rafiq Shihadeh if this Abdelrahman character had any sources in Syria. I was told that he did not. As the conflict in Syria erupted and spread, I asked Monzer in Damascus if he could check on whether this Abdelrahman was legitimate or just a charlatan. Monzer told me that no one he knew had any information about his “contacts” inside Syria. “You might as well be talking about some guy in the Amazon”, he said. “We think we know who he might be, but nobody really cares.” Monzer gave me Abdelrahman’s real name but asked that I not reveal it now. His reasons seemed somewhat odd.
Abdelrahman, thanks to his Qatari contacts who pay him quite well for his lies, has cornered the market on fabricating events in Syria. He, along with fellow liar nominee Susan Rice, was the first to point an accusatory finger at our government after the Houleh massacre. When a German team uncovered facts that pointed directly at the terrorists whom Abdelrahman supports, he never corrected the lie he had let fly. He never does. His reports on people killed in Aleppo had my sources laughing. One, Saad, asked me if Abdelrahman worked for Syria? “Only a person in security would be able to give numbers like that.”
In any case, he has been exposed so many times as a fabricator that it seems almost meaningless to further address his status as MENSEUR EXTRAORDINAIRE! Yes, so many of you demanded his inclusion that we could not defy you lest we demonstrate a cheekiness uncharacteristic of our normally modest staff. And so, here he is in all his fakery and hypocrisy, kept catamite of Prince Fatso, Pedophile of the East. Good luck Mr. Abdelrahman.
SYRPER ANNOUNCES LAST WEEK’S WINNER OF THE BRAINTEASER COMPETITION
It is with a sense of great appreciation for mankind’s infinite search for knowledge that we now confer upon our subscriber and avid fan, Mark the Brit Postelthwaite, the championship prize for his solving the BRAINTEASER test of last week. Mark’s own erudition, ponderous swatch of knowledge cut from the finest cloth of the epistemological universe, his connectedness to the infernal metaphysical recesses of man’s teeming brain, make him an apt victor in the search for the Holy Grail of ontology.
Here is the answer which gave him the prize:
I wanted to draw your attention to another possible answer to the most recent Brainteaser. 6. In English, when you are thrown out of a window, you are “defenestrated”; when eyes are gouged out you are “deoccularised”; when your head is lopped off you are “decapitated”; when your intestines are pulled out, “disemboweled”. What is it called when your head is stuffed down a toilet? a. Desanitized; b. Ensewered; c. Ensepticated; d. Reasphyxiated; e. Interlatrined.
Mark provided an article which confirmed the use of the word: “bogwash” as the very best alternative:
And now Mark, your prize. You and your luggage will be the guests of the Qatari Royal Family between December 21 and 28. You will fly on the only airline that takes you to WHERE THE BOYS ARE!! You will be greeted by Connie Francis herself who will thrill you with another rendition of the pop classic. You will be driven to the Al-Liwat Hotel for an incredible tour of its rooms. Then you will be taken to your real destination, the Motel Al-Wataaweh, to rest and refresh yourself before an incredible night of revery, debauchery and unbridled licentiousness courtesy of Prince Drum Son of Doubledrum Husband of Madame Banana.
Mark Postelthwaite leaps for the heavens in a demonstration of absolute elation at the news he will be flying to pervert-rich Catarrh after winning last week’s Brainteaser competition.
Qatar Airlines is the airline which flies you to WHERE THE BOYS ARE. Certified by the North American Boy Lover’s Association, Qatar is the “in place” for every wealthy pervert. You will land at the Jerry Sandusky Memorial Airport in Doha and be regaled by male adolescent Romanian orphans in the oh so very British BBC-JERRY SAVILE Bar and Grille. And you won’t ever forget your trip to the JOHN WAYNE GACY MUSEUM which contains the actual carcasses of all the boys raped by Mr. Gacy and interred in his crawlspace. It’s a trip of a lifetime to QATAR!! On the last day of your trip, don’t hesitate to visit the JEFFREY DAHMER CULINARY INSTITUTE which is attended daily by Prince Drum for an early afternoon snack.
Don’t worry, Mark, this plane will eventually become airborne. Imagine the thrill of being served by young Eastern European ghulams!! WHERE THE BOYS ARE, SOMEONE WAITS FOR ME!!
Attorney for 35 years and Supreme Court Certified Interpreter for Arabic/English
Diploma with Honors from Ann Arbor Pioneer High School in 1968; B.A. University of Michigan in Ann Arbor 1968-1972; M.A. University of Michigan Dept. of Near Eastern Studies 1972-1974; Ph.D. Cand. Univ. of Michigan 1972-1977; Then went to law school. Credits: Harvard University for classes in Islamic Philosophy; Fellowships from University of Pennsylvania 1976; 2 from Univ. of Michigan. Read English, Arabic, German, French, Farsi, some Hebrew. Studied Ancient Greek and Latin before grad school. Michigan Supreme Court Certified Interpreter/Translator for Arabic and English