The world economy may be flat, but not in Syria. Thanks to NATO, Qatar and Saudi Arabia, Syrian medical schools can boast the finest anatomy classes in the world. The Damascus University School of Medicine, unlike other similar medical schools in the United States and Europe, has no shortage of cadavers to use in order to teach and instruct in the very important area of human and animal anatomy. At Tishreen University in Latakia, the School of Veterinary Medicine is bursting at the seams with Libyan and Saudi subjects for anatomical research and instruction.
These Jihadist criminals had no idea their bodies would be donated to science and, thus, never knew their status would be elevated from ordinary terrorists to ennobled humanitarian idealists. Their beards will be shaved off, of course, to package them more presentably.
With no one claiming the bodies of 80% of the criminals dispatched in battles with the Syrian army, getting and keeping fine specimens of human and mammal anatomy are becoming a normal part of the Syrian medical education system. There is even talk of providing carcasses and cadavers to other countries desperately in need of such remains to educate a new generation of physicians and veterinarians. One of the problems here, however, is the availability of freezer space to preserve all the bodies. SyrPer has suggested that embalming fluids, used by funeral homes in the West, could be a solution to the problem. Unfortunately, Western economic sanctions make this unlikely. SyrPer has proposed bringing this matter up with the EU in a quid pro quo arrangement: you send the terrorists and we’ll send them back embalmed for your medical schools! Syria should receive a nice monthly reward for its contribution to Western scientific progress.
In the case of Libyan and Arabian carcasses, it has been the view of most educators that such remnants would be best suited for veterinary schools since the clinical and metabolic particularities of these individuals are more reflective of apes – even rodents. As such, Syria can expect less profit from the marketing of such low grade merchandise. What is even more dispiriting is the fact that many of the carcasses of Libyans and Arabians are damaged due to their own mishandling of explosive devices, leaving aside those bullets which are an expected gesture of hospitality from Syrian soldiers.
Two perfectly preserved Libyan terrorists seen here before their placement in a Chinese-manufactured freezer. Tishrin University’s School of Veterinary Sciences has a mother lode of over 1,300 such cadavers and would like to sell them.
Damaged goods is a problem in this somewhat funereal business. Damascus University has reported some dissatisfaction with the “quality” of the product from such places as the Samarqand College of Medicine which returned six carcasses claiming “much internal damage indicating poor maintenance”. One school in Eastern Russia questioned the “morphology” of the specimens arguing that such merchandise be more profitably used in “fertilizer factories”. SyrPer has learned that the carcasses in question were from Turkey.
Syria expects a banner year for carcasses in 2013 especially with the appearance of another so-called “opposition” coalition. As doctor Munif Allaf said in a recent interview on Al-Jazeera: “If our oil wells dry up, we can always count on Prince Hamad to help by sending us more of these individuals. We only wish there were more Qataris for our veterinary schools.” He also remarked that Syria now has the very best anatomical education system in the world and praised First Lady Madame Banana of Qatar for her help.