Various organizations representing individuals with very high Wechsler IQ results have petitioned to have a test designed for their members only at least once per year. This test is the result of their entreaties. SyrPer readers are not encouraged to take this test lest they risk losing any self-respect or
self-esteem with the realization that only minds wrought in the cauldrons of Zontar can credibly sit for this Brainteaser. This does not mean you should not read the test to appreciate the mental refulgence of those appropriately prepared by genetic predisposition and breeding to tackle this mind crushing ordeal. Participants may not use any pencil, pen or paper, abacus board or level. The test must be taken in the mind only. Sending the test results for evaluation can only be done by Telekinesis or some other method similarly operative. Our staff of genii is prepared to receive your submissions thanks to the miracle of Ron Popeil’s GlandoReceptorEspladronGrille. Here we go:
1. In a recent poll taken in Qatar, who is that country’s most beloved foreigner?
a. Dom DeLuise;
b. Vladziu Liberace;
c. Danny Kaye;
d. Lavrenti Beria;
e. Jerry Sandusky.
2. The word “Amazon” is from the ancient Greek word meaning what?
a. Giant, armed, ugly female wrestler;
b. No mammaries;
c. Brazilian jungle;
d. Fat, ugly, female warrior;
3. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is only matched by:
a. The ProsciaTime Suspicion Axiom;
b. The L. Ron Hubbard Debatable Putrescence Proposition;
c. The Riad Al-As’ad Refutable Sanity Presumption;
d. The Obama Brain Occlusion Question;
e. The Gordon Brown Churlish Shenanigans Chicane.
4. The dish Bouillabaisse must have one ingredient in order to be successfully prepared, what is it?
a. Day old fish;
b. Pickled Korean Arsenic;
c. Embezzled liras;
d. Stevedore’s perspiration;
e. Talent for following recipe directions.
5. Psychology Today has revealed the reason why Germans have no sense of humor. What is it?
a. Between repairing appliances and snarling, there is no time to laugh;
b. Martin Luther condemned comedy as the work of frivolous Englishmen;
c. When Germans see the bills for maintaining German products, they lose their sense of humor;
d. Germans believe happiness is stupid and must be brought under Kontrol;
e. Drinking German beer dulls the “Humor” button.
6. Of the women listed below, which one is the most intelligent?
a. Lindsay Lohan;
b. Mamie Van Doren;
c. Mrs. Pat Robertson;
d. Janis Joplin;
e. Betty Boop.
7. What is “Canities”?
a. An imaginary world in which dogs run the affairs of Detroit;
b. Little Canaanites;
c. The sharpened teeth of recently fed hyenas;
d. Gray hair;
e. A new metallic undergarment for rich child molesters.
8. Quantification is to classical logic as Sigmoidoscopy is to __________?
a. Medieval barium enemas;
b. Gillette Blue Razors;
c. Copper plumbing;
d. The art practiced by Limonadiers de Derrieres;
e. Petrified lower intestines.
9. What does the Latin expression “fiat iustitia ruat caelum” mean?
a. “Rule by fiat is just for all rats”;
b. “Fiat automobiles rust quickly”;
c. “Justine is fat and ruins shalebeds”;
d. “Let justice be done though the heavens be torn asunder”;
e. “Fiat is juiceless, rats up to the ceiling”.
10. Flummox, Ox, Botox, Xerox, Lummox and Snorox are what kind of animal?
a. Why, they are all male bovines with long horns;
b. They are all copying machines manufactured by 3M;
c. With the exception of Snorox, they are all oxen;
d. Ox is a bull; flummox is a confused bull; Lummox is a thuggish bull; Xerox is a copycat bull; and Snorox is a sleeping bull. I don’t know what a Botox is;
e. Only ox is an animal. The rest are typically obnoxious red herrings produced by a sick mind.
The prize this week for our Quensa member is a fully paid dinner and show with a contracted homely woman capable of discussing quantum optics at a noisy redneck bar. Good luck!