Unlike the Syrian Lavatory for Human Rights which uses Ouija Boards for its reports; unlike the New York Times which has “unidentified employees” in Damascus; unlike CNN with its team of fictionalizing actors, screenwriters and schlockmeisters Syrian Danny and Arwa Damon; we give you reports straight from the battlefield where the Orkin Man is doing his duty.
At Dhiyabiyya, yesterday, units from the Republican Guard backed by the Turkmani Militia Brigade, literally devastated a clutch of rodents taking cover inside this suburb. Monzer reports that only four terrorists survived the successful army onslaught which netted 36 rodents who had almost run out of ammunition and cowered behind garden walls as they watched their positions dissolve at the center of a major armored encirclement.
Of importance to some herpetologists might be the carcass of four Saudi vipers one of whom called himself “Abu Ghadab” or The Angry One. Well, he can vent his anger now on the fires of Hell prepared just for him by General Hafez Makhlouf. Bon voyage!
Other carcasses being prepared for anatomy classes around the world are:
Baha-uddin Al-Aysis (nationality unknown)
Rifa’at Mahmoud Sultani
Abed Rabboh Khalayila (Jordanian)
Sumaydha’ Qassem Halawani (Iraqi)
Rabih Muhammad Muhammad (Iraqi)
More names will be sent to us by Monzer as the identities of these specimens of simian apehood are determined.
At Douma, the army completely wiped out the terrorists, forcing them to escape into the rugged countryside. This is the fourth time our army has had to enter Douma since the conflict began. The strategy appears to be focused on overwhelming the army with constant attacks. As long as the Arabian orangutans continue to pay, unemployed drug addicts and bearded street Arabs will continue to serve the cause of Mammon. Lots of bullets to go around.
Boy, don’t they look imposing? This is the new Chief of the General Staff, General Salim Idris. The only problem is nobody ever heard of him. We have asked the Syrian Boy Scouts Association for any Intel on this rube. Seven in this Biblical photo are Salafists. See if you can pick them out.
Aslan reports that General Mustapha Al-Shaikh, the Johnny-Come-Lately commander of one sixteenth of the Fake Syrian Army is livid with anger because he was passed over for the job of “Chief of Staff” for the Syrian Terrorist Crazyquilt Army. He expected to be nominated immediately but was quickly put under the rug after rumors about his womanizing began to percolate into the porous chambers of the NACOSROF mafia. Even worse, rumors of his incompetence also went the rounds. Aslan says that General Al-Shaikh is so upset that when he was told of the Idris appointment, he barked out the famous Levantine “Phooey!!” or “TUZZ!”
Aslan also says that news of the appointment of (Gen.?) Idris shocked Colonel Riad Al-As’ad who, for the last seven months, has been under a psychiatric doctor’s care for “delusional psychotic episodes” and “affective disorder”. Colonel Al-As’ad could not be reached for comment as he was exercising on the Planet Zontar. Al-As’ad was also strapped recently into a straitjacket after he began to mumble about “deserting back to Dr. Assad and getting his old job back.”. The order to constrain him came directly from Dr. Erdoghan himself.
Homs is almost completely rat-free. Bab Amr is experiencing a sense of relief after months of grinding warfare. Khalidiyya is also rat-free. We expect the infestation to return, however.
Great article about the humiliations of NACOSROF:
Our new reader, Karnevaliste, sends us this memorable shot of the illustrious Guido Westerwelle for everyone’s archive:
You have to admit, he must have a sense of humor to display such sartorial elegance. I wonder who his haberdasher is. Thanks, Karnivaliste.
Karnivaliste sends another prize-winning photo of our champion here:
Demonstrating the muscularity of the Teutonic male, Herr Westerwelle mugs for the adoring cameras. And they say the Germans have no sense of humor.
Voltairenet sends this wonderful interview with our hero, Meyssan. Notice the SyrPer heads-up about the natural gas in the Eastern Mediterranean. Finally, someone is writing about this other than Syrper:
FANTASTIC VIDEO OF SYRIAN SOLDIER’S WITH MORALE HIGH EXULTANT AFTER BASHING THE STUFFING OUT OF THE SALAFIST APES. THANKS, DKDAHL:
Here’s a letter from Anonymous which should be read carefully. Long live Mother Russia!
Ziad, my second comment for this post.
If anyone wonders about Russian resolve, then take an hour of time to watch this YouTube video from May 9th of this year. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CKJEpfawCI
Does the west really want to provoke these guys? Does anyone remember the Russian reaction to the silly tie-eating Georgian president and his grand plans to reconquer South Ossetia?
I wonder, are the western leaders mad? Maybe they will prevail and Syria will fall. But in this case, all bets are off.
I stayed up one night enjoying a couple of cocktails and watched this grand military parade. The big missiles come in near the end. These guys do not fool around. Scary thought given what we have for statesmen in the West.
Over 80 million Orthodox Christians in eastern Europe died at the hands of the Bolsheviks. The visit of Patriarch Krill to Syria a year ago was far more than symbolic.
More from the fierty anonymous:
Ziad, there is an old saying, “truth is stranger than fiction”. The west has repeated these banal phrases so often that they believe them to be true and self-evident. It is wondrous how the Europe countries allowed millions of these so-called Islamic fundamentalists to immigrate into their countries. Now they are allied with the same bunch to control and, as you say, keep the peoples of the Middle East in ignorance and poverty. Are these plans close to unravelling? The stunning large protests in Cairo this past week point to a situation that is rapidly heading out of control. When does the blow back start to hit Europe? It wasn’t so long ago that riots and fires raged through France from mobs of disenfranchised Muslim youths. I’m afraid the West is done. The deluge is near.
Posted by Anonymous to Syrian Perspective at December 9, 2012 9:36 AM