It is with much sadness and regret that the Board of Governors of Syrian Perspective must strip Palestinian leader, Mahmoud Abbas “Abu Mazen”, of his much-coveted “NOWHERE MAN” prize which was awarded to him last month by a majority vote of SyrPer’s highest administrative body. The prize was originally given to Mr. Abbas in recognition of the utter emptiness of his presidency; the fact that he was existing in a vacuum; that he was a universally acknowledged inert pail of sludge. Mr. Abbas was singled out for praise as a man who did one thing extremely well: nothing!
Apparently, President Abbas, having accepted SyrPer’s prize with what his chief “negotiator” Saeb Erekat described as “teary-eyed modesty and understated non-comment”, has since that moment of triumph managed to get himself into the news by successfully taking the Palestinian statehood issue to the United Nations. As our readers know, Abbas’s initiative was overwhelmingly approved by the U.N. General Assembly despite American and Zionist protestations. However, such a victory is a clear sign that Mr. Abbas can no longer hold the 2012 title and must be defrocked.
Mr. Abbas huffs and puffs into the camera as he feverishly cedes his ‘NOWHERE MAN” title to another worthy candidate. SyrPer was shocked to see him do anything and reluctantly withdrew the award.
Unfortunately, with the loss of the title comes loss of the rewards. Mr. Abbas’ office in Ramallah has been apprised of the fact that his Fingerhut coupons and antique Old Gold chits have been invalidated. We are very sorry for any inconvenience to the Abbas household.
The Board of Governors is reconvening to select another worthy recipient. Names on the short list are Mitt Romney, Robert Ford and Fareed Zakaria. We’ll keep you informed as to any developments.