Mercury News Service is proud to publish this interview conducted by its own Wurlitzer Prize-winning journalist, Brunhilde Liebesbombe. The interview was completed yesterday in the offices of the Quay D’Orsay, the French Foreign Ministry, where George Sabra lives. Ms. Liebesbombe was accompanied by our award-winning photographer, Ogden Orffe.
MNS: Thank you, Monsieur Sabra, for agreeing to be interviewed.
SABRA: You don’t work for Assad, right? The last time I had an interview, it was with the Political Security people. I was arrested for passing out pictures of Trotsky nude.
MNS: By the way, how do you pronounce your last name? Some people who we spoke to pronounce your name as “Zabra“. Is that Arabic for “zebra”? You know…. a person of many stripes?
SABRA: (Sternly) I don’t think that’s what they had in mind.
MNS: Now that you have joined the National Coalition for Syrian Revolution and Opposition Forces, or NACOSROF, what are your plans?
SABRA: The first thing is to change that stupid name. Nobody can pronounce it and some people fall asleep while you are saying it. I think that that should be the first item on our agenda, finding a good name. I like the Syrian National Council. Mrs. Clinton doesn’t.
MNS: Do you feel uncomfortable working with an organization like NACOSROF which is allied with Jabhat Al-Nusra, now labelled a terrorist organization by the U.S.?
SABRA: I did until I received my first paycheck from Prince Fatso. Anyways, the U.S. is the biggest supporter of Jabhat Al-Nusra. When we refer to it with Americans we have to call it by a code name so they won’t be embarrassed.
MNS: My God! What do you call it?
SABRA: Cosa Nostra. It’s “our thing”. That makes the Americans more comfortable. We just delivered a load of American Teflon-coated bullets to the Cosa Nostra. Unfortunately, it was intercepted by the Assad people and given to the PKK. Assad is such a terrorist!
George Sabra, seen here after his first paycheck arrived from Qatar. The man to his left is Prince Sa’daan Bin Al-Musaflis Al-Thani who delivered all cheques to the SNC. “It wasn’t what they promised”, Sabra told us “but, they said more would be coming if I renounced communism. So I did.”
MNS: Do you believe that your inclusion in the NACOSROF was motivated by the fact that you are Christian? I mean, are you Christian?
SABRA: Not anymore. When I saw how much money I could make by converting to Islam….Wow! Like, Allahu Akbar! So, now, I’m a communist Wahhabi. I promised them I’d get a circumcision in Paris. You don’t want to do that in Saudi Arabia.
MNS: How are the Americans dealing with SNC now that it’s a part of NACOSROF?
SABRA: It’s humiliating. You know I used to have a t.v. show for children in Damascus. They hound me about that. They’re always laughing at me behind my back. I even found memos where they call me “Captain Kangaroo”, “Mr. Greenjeans” and “Mr. Rogers”. I told Mrs. Clinton about it and she promised she would stop it. So, now they call me “Milky the Clown” or “Soupy”. It’s degrading.
MNS: My, the drawing resembles you so much. You do look like Captain Kangaroo.
SABRA: Thanks a lot. (Glances at his watch) Look, it’s time for my nap. My French minder says I’ve got to sleep more. All I do is sleep.
MNS: Just one more question. How do you get along with Mr. Al-Khatib, the new leader of NACOROF?
SABRA: (Puzzled) I thought I was the new leader. Hmmm. Oh, Yeah! The Sheikh. I don’t like him.
Burhan doesn’t either.
Mr. Sabra is seen here during happier times in Damascus. He was the host for the children’s show titled: “Lunch with Uncle Georgie”. He was subsequently arrested for child molesting. He now visits Qatar regularly when not in Paris.