SECOND POST – DECEMBER 27, 2012 – SYRIAN PERSPECTIVE’S NOMINEES FOR “MAN OF THE YEAR”; WINNER ANNOUNCED TOMORROW
We have already announced the winner of the Woman of the Year competition and awarded the prize to CATHERINE ASHTON, BARONESS OF UPHOLLAND, THE EU’S HIGH REPRESENTATIVE FOR FOREIGN AFAIRS. Now it’s time to announce the nominees for MAN OF THE YEAR. The Board of Governors and the MNS Committee to Preserve Legacy have concluded that these men are the most deserving of consideration:
1. RUSSIAN GIANT, VLADIMIR PUTIN, President of the Russian Federation.
Vladimir Putin, seen adjusting his sunglasses, spent an entire career in East Germany learning the ropes when it comes to international intrigue. There’s nothing in the U.S. bag of tricks which will vex or confuse him.
Whether it’s deploying the Russian fleet at Tartous, sending huge shiploads of weapons and ammo to our troops battling leprous baboons from Arabia, positioning Eskandar missiles to neutralize the Patriot missile system in Turkey, defying American, NATO and Arabian efforts to effect regime change in Syria, he performs his duties grandly. No hot air. No wild, off-the-cuff remarks; just smooth, silky maneuvering of the highest order.
2. BOLIVARIAN TITAN, HUGO CHAVEZ, PRESIDENT OF THE VENEZUELAN REPUBLIC
We at SyrPer are all Chavistas. The Bolivarian revolutionary has changed the way Latin America deals with the Manifest Destiny still intoxicating American vipers in Washington. He is pure principle and loyalty to his friends and allies in the movement to stop American and European exploitation.
When Syria’s army needed fuel, it came quickly by way of Maracaibo, Venezuela. It was sent free of charge to bolster the strength of the single-most important link in the Fatimid Crescent; in the Confrontation Front. Three times, ships loaded with diesel and other fuel, docked at Tartous to deliver sustenance to our tanks and armor, allowing Syrian soldiers and militia to confront the minions of darkness, the slaves of apes, the messengers of nihilism. He is a giant. When Syria needed hard currency, he was there. We pray for his speedy recovery from the cancer he is combating, like a true soldier, like a great friend, like a luminous star in the war to liberate the oppressed. Viva El Caudillo, Hugo Chavez!
3. SERGEI LAVROV, RUSSIAN FEDERATION FOREIGN MINISTER AND DIPLOMATIC CHESS MASTER.
Talk about slick, cunning, refined, suave and brilliant. His handling of Russian foreign policy has all the earmarks of a Grand Master. Checkmate!
Our Armenian and Georgian foreign minister would just as soon sit by and watch Erdoghan foul himself up like a motherless puppy, than take it and rub its nose in its own ordure. A completely well-informed diplomatic maestro, he knows the Arabs and their shortcomings, he knows where Syria’s assets lie and how to maximize them for Russia’s gain. With every gambit, he deploys exactly what it takes to get the job done. William Hague of the U.K. looks like a blunt, fattened polyp next to this magician. His movements are lithe, muscular, just like Baryshnikov. A truly great candidate for this honor.
4. IRANIAN PRESIDENT MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD
Tenacious loyalty. Focused leadership. Commitment. Can-do work ethic. The subtle exhibition of power.
Our fourth candidate is no newcomer to notoriety or controversy. He leads a nation founded in a philosophy of theocratic rule: absolute anathema to us at SyrPer, except for one fact: the theocracy in Iran is specific to Iranians and is their cup of tea. We look at the rest of the package. No other nation has stood with Syria with such resoluteness, with such commitment. Syria has been on the receiving end of some of the best technology since the days of Yuri Andropov, thanks to the genius of Persian society – one now built on self-sufficiency in the face of supposedly “crippling” sanctions. He has taken Iran from Third World penury, Third World intellectual retardation, often engineered by the ravenous hymaphagous European colonialist establishment, and Third World despair, to the threshold of the First World. He might say some dumb things, but they are inevitably ruminations on the frivolous.
5. SYRIAN PRESIDENT, DR. BASHAR HAFEZ AL-ASSAD.
His deep blue eyes are icy, steely, imperturbable, just like his father’s brown eyes. Obama is known to envy Dr. Assad’s eyes. He is stalwart, incontrovertibly reliable and loyal to his homeland. He is breaking the back of the Islamist-Jihadist-Nihilist war of terrorism waged against the people of Syria.
Nobody would have thought that this nerdy opthamologist could have led Syria into a financial heyday with all debt paid off; with tourism booming; hotels spreading up the coast like wildfire; private banks newly empowered; new oil fields discovered; new natural gas reservoirs identified; the greatest military build-up since the rise of Rukneddine Baybars Al-Bunduqdari, the Vanquisher King of the Mameluke State in Egypt.. He was to suffer shock as the so-called “Arab Spring” evolved into a sociological nightmare reminiscent of the “Planet of the Apes” with the Muslim Brotherhood gaining footholds in Arab countries like Tunisia, Egypt and Yemen. Unwilling to break his pact with Iran, the Arabian monkeys of the Peninsula connived with the U.S. and NATO to overthrow him. But he will overthrow them in his very deliberate, scientific style. They’re not used to that. He is a giant among a race of pygmies.
AND THE WINNER IS:
Sorry, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow. It’s a technique to guarantee readership.