WELL, YOU HAVE NO HOPE AGAINST THIS NOGGIN-BREAKING SERIES OF INTERROGATORIES FROM THE MINDS OF OUR DENSA COMMITTEE. Remember, only one piece of paper and lead pencil allowed. You must not seek help from any Good Samaritan or research engine. The winner will receive a lifetime membership in DENSA with all that that entails.
“It is only through the conquest of knowledge that you know, certainly, that you are a nincompoop.” Plato, from the Flummoxis.
1. Who said: “If I must die to be free, then what’s the point?”
a. Arnold Stang;
b. Nathan Hale (as an afterthought);
c. Earl Scheib;
d. Guy Fawkes;
e. Some wise coward.
2. The earth rotates around the sun. The moon rotates around the earth. What rotates around the moon?
a. Jumping cows;
b. The Lobster Nebula;
c. Colonel Riad Al-As’ad;
d. A dead astronaut;
e. Particles of dust, maybe.
3. Who is the Torquemada?
a. He developed the concept of torque for automobiles;
b. He’s from the Bronx. It’s a corruption of the expression: “Turkey Mudda”;
c. It’s a vacuum-sealed food for cosmonauts made from turkey legs, hence: “turkey matter”;
d. A man appointed by the Vatican to oversee the Spanish Inquisition;
e. A French soup flavored with human fingernails.
4. The notion of “Dead Reckoning” is used by whom?
b. Drunken sailors;
c. Sailors with compasses very close to either one of the poles;
d. Drunken sailors with compasses;
e. Drunken sailor left to drift in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
5. Poets Charles Baudelaire and Edgar Allan Poe had something in common, what was it?
a. Became famous only after they were dead;
b. Both were in love with Annabel Lee;
c. Both spoke with a strong Virginian accent;
d. Both suffered from acute catalepsy;
e. Both were addle-brained, laudanum-soaked, Absinthe-scarfing psychotics who wrote great poetry.
6. Johnny Sheffield played “Boy” in the Tarzan movies. He then played “Bomba”. What did he play after that?
a. Phillip Marlowe in the “Satin Peacock”;
b. The horses;
c. “I Was a Teenage Dracula”;
d. King Lear;
e. Nothing. His career went Bomba!
7. Julia Domna, the 3rd century Empress of Rome, was from what city?
b. Romulus, Michigan;
c. Homs, Syria;
e. Caracas, Venezuela.
8. William Shatner, Christopher Plummer, Donald Sutherland and Eugene Levy, all share a common physical characteristic, what is it?
a. They all have Kaposi’s sarcoma from their infection with AIDS;
b. They all have cellulite;
c. They all were born in Canada;
d. They all have twelve fingers and seven nipples;
e. They are all women who have had successful careers in male roles.
9. Why did Brahms wait so long to reveal his genius as a composer?
a. Brahms spent his life in Africa converting natives to Scientology;
b. Brahms only gained his hearing after an operation performed by Lebanese surgeon, Michael DeBakey;
c. He wanted to surprise everybody;
d. He felt all people were unworthy of his genius until he needed some money;
e. He was terrified of Beethoven’s works.
10. In the movie, Kingdom of Heaven, directed by Ridley Scott, what was wrong with having Balian lead the Crusaders in Jerusalem against Saladin?
a. Balian was gay and an atheist. He would never enter Jerusalem for any reason;
b. Balian was the hero in the movie Alien and could not have been in space and Jerusalem at the same time;
c. Balian was a virtuoso violinist with no military experience;
d. Balian was not in Jerusalem at all. It was Hollywood history;
e. Balian never existed. It was Lt. Ripley who led the crusaders against Saladin.
Remember, a lifetime membership in DENSA awaits the winner. Think of the prestige and power such membership offers. Good luck!!