SECOND POST – JANUARY 31, 2013 – SYRPER’S FOOD PAGE VISITED AGAIN WITH CAST IRON CHEF EPHEMERAL LAGASEOUS

SECOND POST – JANUARY 31, 2013 – SYRPER’S FOOD PAGE IS REOPENED WITH A GREAT NEW RECIPE FROM “CAST IRON” CHEF EPHEMERAL LAGASEOUS.

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Ephemeral, seen here on a well-travelled road in New Orleans, checks everything out for that special ingredient in today’s new recipe. 
Hi, everybody!  It’s me here for the first time introducing you to a great meal just like my predecessors, Snobby Filay, Barrio Fatali and Bulltwang Schmuck.  I’m a very different kind of chef.  Like Snobby, I’m from the East Coast but specialize in the cooking of another region.  In my case, it’s the Appalachian area.
Today’s dish is a fusion of Southern Cajun and Blue Ridge Mountain tastes.  You’ll love it.  But this dish requires patience and a sniper’s eye.
In an economy like ours in the States, you gotta cut corners and look for the best bargains around.  I don’t think anybody can beat the quality and the cost of what we’re gonna make today.  First you gotta have the recipe for an Etouffe:  butter, 2 cups onions chopped coarsely, some celery, 1/2 Green Bell Pepper, 18 cloves of garlic, 2lbs of bay leaves, flour, water, a ton of salt, a cup of Cayenne Pepper, a sprig of parsley and chopped green onions. But what kind of Etouffe is this? You ask.  What we call it in New Orleans is:

“ROAD KILL ETOUFFE  
The one ingredient we’re missing is the chance lump on the road that so many people pass by without a glance.  I’m talking about free protein: road kill!  And what better meat than a recently squished mammal, reptile or avian?

Now you don’t have to go and kidnap the neighbor’s cat if you can’t find an appropriate subject for our delicious stew.  And you don’t have to go out of your way to run over somebody’s dog.  There’s plenty of road kill for everyone.  Here’s what carcass you need to look for:

A dead deer
A dead moose
A dead squirrel
A dead porcupine
A dead skunk (check the special instructions below about field dressing this critter)
A dead cat
A dead dog (the larger the better.  Chihuahas look alot like rats)
A dead rat
A dead raven
A dead owl
A dead turtle

This, er, rodent, is fresh and ready for pick-up.  He’s easy to field dress and a lively addition to your Etouffe

We don’t recommend you leave the bones in the Etouffe to avoid any unwarranted negative remarks from your guests – “Jeez O’ Pete, Ephemeral, the bones look like a rat’s. Ha.Ha”.  Yeah, ha ha!  Well, you certainly don’t want people to see this in your stew:

 

First, remove the fur from the road kill by taking a very sharp knife or razor and carefully separating the pelt from the flesh.  You can keep the skin and treat it.  Once you have about thirty pelts, you can make a coat out of it or, even, a shawl.  Take the critter and slice it down from the ribcage to its genitals. (For special guests, you can slit its throat and drain the remaining blood out to make it kosher or halal).  Then, shake it to get the viscera out. Dump into a plastic bag and place in your neighbor’s garbage can or in the public park litter basket.  Salt the carcass liberally.  (A friend of mine washes it with Lestoil and swallows a bottle of Tetracycline).  Once that’s done, put it aside and prepare the Etouffe by combining everything we gave you above in a big pot, letting all vegetables wilt and the full cup of Cayenne Pepper infuse the savory gravy with some much-needed heat.  Dump carcass of critter in stew and let cook for about 7 hours, stirring every hour.  Once the stew is finished, pull out the skeleton of the animal (dump like viscera above) and you have a wonderful, inexpensive dinner for your guests that will have them raving for months (that’s assuming the animal is rabid).     

Serve this delicious Southern dish with Uncle Ben’s Rice and a good shot of vodka.  Bon Appetit!  

This savory Etouffe will amaze your guests.  It’s so scrumptious!

*Editor’s note.  SyrPer is not responsible for any foreseeable legal ramifications in certain states of the union for the collection of dead animals on the roadways. We do not advocate the ingestion of road kill and expressly warn our readers that such animals can be deleterious to your health.  Please eat with caution.



    

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