BUT FIRST, OUR CONGRATULATIONS TO THE PEOPLE OF VENEZUELA. CHAVEZ IS NOT DEAD! HE LIVES THROUGH NICOLAS MADURO. VIVA CHAVEZ!! VIVA MADURO!!
With apologies to Alex Beerpitcher.
SYRIAN PERSPECTIVE TOLD YOU IT WAS COMING. IT CAME. LET THE RATS CRY IN DARKNESS. ASTOUNDING AND CRUSHING VICTORY FOR SYRIAN ARMY IN IDLIB. NO RECOVERY POSSIBLE FOR FSA OR JIHADISTS!! BRITISH TERRORIST-ENABLERS HUMILIATED!!
We can proclaim with 100% confidence that the rat presence around two major airbases in the northeast has been eliminated and/or vaporized. At Waadi Dhaif and Hameediyya, the SAA broke the seige by encircling the rats at the town of Sihyaan. Wael and Aslan (finally) confirm the deaths of at least 300 rodents. Aslan called me at a friend’s home and said that a “major disturbance at Apaydin” caused a heightened security presence around the FSA base by Turkish authorities. The loss of the FSA and Jabhat Al-Nusra position around these bases now makes it impossible for the rats to return. This is all in light of the absorption of over 100,000 new militia and National Defense Force volunteers.
TUNISIAN NEWSPAPER CONFIRMS DEATHS OF 19 TUNISIAN RODENTS AND 20 LIBYAN APES THIS MONTH IN IDLIB AT SARAAQEB!!
We reported it and now it has been confirmed: 19 Tunisian Sex Jihadists and 20 Libyan Barbary apes bit the dust and took the Autobahn nachdem Teufel (straight to Hell)! However, we were disturbed to learn that the Syrian government is negotiating to release its North African prisoners and pemit their return to Monkeyland! DEAR DR. ASSAD! DON’T MAKE THAT MISTAKE! THEY WILL RETURN. THEY MUST BE EXECUTED AND NOW!!! You are making the mistakes Ali Ibn Abi Taaleb made at Siffeen. You might find yourself surrounded by your own Khawaarij if you don’t listen!
In a related operation at Jabal Al-Arba’een near Areeha, large numbers of rats who thought they were going to enter the Pearly Gates took a re-route (courtesy of Maj. Gen. Maher Al-Assad) and wound up at a catered banquet in Dante’s Inferno (courtesy of Old Scratch). Over 100 IEDs were disarmed by sappers! We have these names so far from Wael:
Ihsaan Murtadhaa ‘Arnoos
Hassan Ja’ssaroon (?)
Jameel Ali Mutawwa’
Ghassan Hussayn Al-Qadeesh
‘Adnaan Jaasem Al-Riyaadh
Another 38, so far, could not be identified because they were not carrying papers.
HIGHWAY FROM KHAN SHAYKHOON TO MA’ARRAT AL-NU’MAAN COMPLETELY OPEN AND RAT-FREE!
We confirm with absolute confidence that the strategically important highway from Khaan Shaykhoon to Ma’arrat Al-Nu’maan is now open and Ratte-rein. If the rodents to the north of Ma’arrat Al-Nu’maan think they’ll be around for harvest time, let them think again as the Second Reserve Mechanized Armored Division starts pouring into the area. No! We think it’s time for the pest to leave.
At the battle to cleanse the highway of plague, the SAA fought and routed the following Salafist organizations under control of Jabhat Al-Nusra:
1. “Descendants of the Messenger of Allah Brigades” (yawn)
2. “Brigades of Sultan Saleem the First” (yawn). Saleem the First was an Ottoman Sultan who conquered Syria from the Mamelukes. The Mamelukes were better for us.
3. “The Brigades of Right”. (Wrong! yawn)
4. “The Brigades of Bandar Bin Sultan”. (Vaporized Saudi parrot and child molester. Yawn)
5. “Brigades of Khaaled Al’Umari”, a notorious pedophile. (yawn)
The Syrian Air Force, using MiG 25s and Hind helicopters, annihilated 14 flatbed trucks with 14 mounted heavy machine gun cannons from Croatia. All flatbeds were 4-wheel drive, a real must when you’re trying to get out of the way of a laser-guided missile. Missile launchers, 120 mm mortars, 82 mm mortars, 57 mm cannons, RPGs by the truck-load, sniper rifles, not to mention IEDs and so many other Saudi-funded, British obtained, Croatian-manufactured and Jihadist blundered weapons were also put into the smelting pot.
Oh, and don’t forget, SAA infantry also found a tunnel 2 km long between Haish and Baabooleen. There is not way to get the names of the numerous foreign rat carcasses provided by the government of Prime Minister Cameron and his glans-headed moron Foreign Minister, William Hague. We will just have to wait.
And, by the by, at Kafr Rooma, a pick-up truck with a heavy machine gun cannon was also destroyed near Ma’arrat Al-Nu’maan. The operators?
Sameer Abdul-Majeed ‘Uzkaayaa
Maaher Jalaaleddeen Al-Sirhaan
Another 2 could not be identified since the air-to-ground missile nearly vaporized them.
ALEPPO: My. My. What a scene!
At Dayr Jamaal, near Ba’ath Party Branch HQ, militia belonging to the party clashed first with rodents and then received help from SAA. The dead carcasses belong to the following:
Sa’eed Ali Haykal
As’ad Saari Ghurbaal
Nooreddeen Wajdi Al-Jaar
3 more had no papers and appeared Chechen.
Tal Haassel: 4 dead with no details.
Al-Duwayrayni Roundabout near the cotton gin: 7 confirmed rats. No survivors. Killed by militia.
Al-Nayrab: Skirmishes with militia nets one confirmed rodent. Others escaped into sewers.
Al-Mansoora: With the help of citizens, the SAA killed these vermin:
Anwar Haseeb Shuraydi
Khaan Al-‘Asal: at the Andoomi Factory. Some reported take-downs. (SANA)
Al-Shaykh Al-Sa’eed at the bridge and clinic and Electric Co., in a very stylish operation ending in a bloody mess for rats at the Qudhaymaati Gas Station. No details but Wael says 11 confirmed carcasses for the anatomy classes.
Al-Saakhoor at the roundabout near the Al-Qa’qaa’ Mosque, 3 rats killed for sure. No details.
Al-Haydariyya: a precise operation by very adept SAA troops destroys 2 flatbed trucks with Croatian machine gun cannons. The dead are not identified, yet.
HOMS: With the border with Lebanon now effectively closed to creeping, crawling insects like the FSA, it has become essentially a turkey-shoot with French terrorist-enablers sending their luckless wards into certain death. No amount of new weapons can help these rats. Sorry.
In the Old City of Homs, a flat-bed with another (yawn) machine gun cannon went to the junk yard courtesy of militia and police. The dead were:
Kifaah Saleem Al-Baarr (Yeah, sure)
Fareed Ali Farhaat
The other 1 was not identified.
SAA wipes out 13 rodents trying to crawl their way from Al-Qaraabees to Khaaldiyya via Jawrat Al-Shiyyaah. No such luck. The rats were caught in a hail of gunfire. 4 warblers captured. These are the identified carcasses:
‘Ali Hussayn Mas’adaawi
“Ghandi” Abu-Ghaydaa (id pending)
The rest have not been identified positively yet.
Taldahab and Kafr Laahaa in the Hoola area: SAA bagged the following skunks:
Muheeb Baassel Mukahhil
Muhammad Al-Hamad (Labanteezi rodent scum. Lebanese)
At Tal Al-Nabi Mandu, near Al-Qusayr, a group of Jabhat Al-Nusra fleas calling themselves “the Al-Faarouq Brigade” went to Banana Heaven courtesy of militia. No details.
ONE HUNDRED CONFIRMED RATS KILLED IN JAWBAR OVER LAST 48 HOURS!!
This is straight from the Mininstry of Defense: The SAA, security forces, militia and NDF have killed over 100 rats with hundreds wounded and captured in the Damascus area. The MoD also reports that based on officers’ assessments, Jawbar will be completely rat-free in a few days.
Al-Bahdalliyya: Action with little detail. Rats withdrawing.
Al-Dhiyaabiyya: 6 killed in clashes with police and militia. All rats are foreign.
Al-Nabak: Area of Reema Town, 3 rats killed and one mortar destroyed. No details.
Al-Sabeena: A den with a huge cache of arms and drugs. 23 killed. Of those, only one has been positively identified:
Nabeel Al-‘Itma (Now he’s in the dark)
Daarayya: Ambush kills 2 snipers and 6 other rodents. No names.
Al-Sukayna Sanctuary: 8 confirmed rat kills. All foreign.
WORLD NEWS AND PROPAGANDA FOR BREAKFAST:
‘ere’s another one for the barbie. Australia joins the big Jihad in Hell:
Here’s hilarious propaganda straight from MI6 through the Huffington Post to you. Enjoy this laugh-a-minute piece of drivel and thank me later:
Hooray for Iraqi security forces. 47 is not bad. But we demand their execution immediately. Turn them over to SyrPer and we’ll show you the quick way to Hell:
British bungling on display as the people of Britain are being taken for a ride by the war criminal Cameron and his right-hand factotum, William Hague:
Here’s a great article for Mike, in France. Hollande is going to feel the heat very soon.
WILE E. COYOTE MOMENT:
Watch this cameraman for terrorist rats get his wages in Hell: