RICARDO MONTALBAN SLATED TO HOST 24-HOUR AUCTION OF OVER 50,000 CARS, TRUCKS, FLATBEDS AND MOTORCYCLES ALL TO BENEFIT THE SOON-TO-BE-OUSTED HASHEMITE FAMILY OF JORDAN.
RICARDO MONTALBAN WON INTERNATIONAL RENOWN FOR HIS CHRYSLER CORPORATION COMMERCIALS FOR THE DODGE “CORDOVA” WHICH HE FAMOUSLY MISPRONOUNCED, IN HIS OWN NATIVE SPANISH, TO THE CHAGRIN OF MILLIONS OF LATINO ILLEGAL ALIENS
HAVE YOU EVER DREAMED OF OWNING YOUR OWN KIA FLATBED TRUCK COMPLETE WITH 23MM MACHINE GUN CANNON? WELL, YOUR DREAM IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
THE SYRIAN MINISTRY OF CONFISCATED CONTRABAND IS OFFERING TO THE PUBLIC THIS 20 DAY OF MAY, 2013, OVER 50,000 CARS, TRUCKS, MOTORCYCLES AND OTHER SUNDRIES COLLECTED FROM THE CARCASSES OF DEAD TERRORISTS.
This Mazda pick-up is all yours for a mere $300.00 (minus terrorists, of course. They’re quite dead!) if you tune in to the Syrian Perspective Global News Satellite Service on May 20, 2013 starting at 12:00 p.m. Damascus time.
But the Telethon will also boast over 25,000 motorcycles of every kind collected mostly in the Homs Governorate either in the area of Al-Qusayr or Tal Kalakh. Oh, the owners of these bikes spared no expense to transport miserable yokels to their certain death at the hands of Syria’s vaunted army and militia. Syrian Army soldiers were especially careful to only shoot the riders of the motorcycles without damaging the vehicles themselves which are in pristine condition having been refurbished and tuned up by expert Armenian mechanics.
Bray Phlegmo, American television late night talk show host, tests out a beautiful “Cord Roadster” used by Abu-Matzaball, a Jabhat Al-Nusra kook and Saudi pervert, to infiltrate Syria via ‘Arsaal, Lebanon. “I can’t believe I got this baby for only $1,300.00”, exclaimed the American idol. “I’m gonna look really close at all those motorbikes, later.”
How can the Syrian government do this?…..It’s easy. After 2 years of killing terrorists in cars, trucks and motorbikes, Syrian officials found their country inundated with hulks of motorized metal. The Japanese were anxious to buy the scrap for their own automobile industry, but President Assad had different ideas. Because Japan joined other neo-imperialist countries in criticizing the Syrian government’s defense of its borders and secular society, Dr. Assad decided to pass up on the profit from the wily Japanese and sell Syria’s stock of used vehicles to the people.
This beautiful something-or-another was actually built by terrorists in a Turkish garage near Gaziantep. It sells for $45.00 without any warranty. According to the Syrian corporal who destroyed it while incinerating its crew of 5 bumbling oafs: “It stopped the moment we opened fire and it tried to retreat. I hit it in the muffler and it went up in flames. I don’t think we’ll see another one like this again” Indeed.
Collectors’ items galore!! You have never seen anything like it. And you’ll also be participating in the CRACKERJACK BOX SPECIAL EVENT in which you can buy a vehicle and own whatever is inside. Surprise!! Mustafa Gargoon of Jawbar purchased a Kawasaki motorcycle and found it was loaded with enough ammunition to kill 80 people at London’s Harrods. Fawziyyeh Abu-Dibbeh bought a motorbike for her son, Dibb, and discovered it contained enough metamphetamines to fund early retirement. All these things can be yours too! The world is at your doorstep!
Fatima Sharshaha of Der’ah holds up a brand new Belgian sniper’s rifle which was pasted into the BMW motorcycle she bought “on a whim”.
All sales of vehicles (including hidden prizes) are not subject to refund or exchange. All sales are final. No ownership titles can be given for the reason that most of the merchandise is stolen, anyway, or bought by Arabian child molesters with no sense of decorum, propriety or civility. No warranties are issued or endorsed by the Syrian Government. The merchandise is sold “as is” and “where is”. Expect no empathy.
‘And remember it’s made of real Coreenthian layther”. Montalban.
All profits from the Telethon will be used to oust and repatriate the Hashemite Family of Transjordan. Unused funds will then be diverted to assassinating Recep Tayyib Erdoghan of Turkey. Anybody interested?