1. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO:
“Oh, he must step down?” Well, the leaders of the U.S., U.K., France, Germany, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Qatar and so many other vassal states repeated the same mantra ad nauseam.
Guido Westerwelle, Germany’s Foreign Minister and resident buffoon, said Dr. Assad “must resign” about 50 times. But, what ever happened to Guido? We think Dr. Assad will outlast him.
ANSWER: It’s been replaced with: “OH, HE MUST ATTEND THE NEW GENEVA CONFERENCE”.
Look people, there was a time when the U.S.’s Hillary Clinton would never have considered inviting Dr. Bashar Al-Assad to a Black Sabbath much less a conference on Syria’s conflict. But, it seems that her successor, John “Heinz 57 Variety” Kerry, has changed the mantra around. Now it’s:
2. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO GHASSAN SHITTO OF THE NACOSROF? AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT: WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO SYRIA’S MOST POPULAR TELEVANGELIST: AHMAD MU’ADH AL-KHATIB, SyrPer’s WOG of the Year for 2012? AND WHAT ABOUT “CAPTAIN KANGAROO?” WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
They were tarted up for glory by the British Baloney Corporation (BBC) for months. With Oxonian and Cantabrigian accents at the ready, the English were bracing for the coming of something really big. At last, a government in exile worthy of the Queen’s support and Prince Phillip’s private disdain. But what do the bloomin’ English do when their triumvirate of treasonous trash turns out to be “The Ritz Brothers”!??? or, “The Three Stooges”? or even better: “Alvin and the Chipmunks”??? Mmmm.
Ahmad Mu’adh Al-Khatib, seen here, taking the oath of allegiance to the United States of American on Devil’s Island near New York City. He has now joined Jimmy Swaggart Ministries as Consultant on Islamist Takfiri Pornography and Jihadist Chaperone Services. We wish him the very best in his new career.
Ghassan Shitto, of Texas, is seen here at a Pig Roast in Laredo, leading a group of followers in his favorite song: “96 Tears for the FSA”. His rise to Prime Minister of Poop has further interred him in the hallowed halls of History’s Oblivion.
And what piece on the Egyptian Book of the Dead would be complete without George Sabra, whose rise to fame as Syria’s Captain Kangaroo, propelled him to the hallowed position of chairman of something called the Syrian National Council. Mr. Sabra now lives near Istanbul with Ghassan Shitto and Abdullah Ocalan at the Imrali Central Hotel. The captain is seen in this photo with John Kerry in his Edwin Mooseky outfit.
Who can take their place? A Texan Muslim Brotherhood fanatic who hasn’t seen his native Syria since he was 17 years old, having fled military service never to return? A Muslim Brotherhood cleric/sympathizer who just resigned his post as head of NACOSROF? A children’s show host and communist who spent 7 years in a Syrian prison on charges of sedition? I mean, how can these people be replaced?
Well, SyrPer, like all good lawyers, never asks a question without knowing the answer. We are now at liberty to announce the next head of the Syrian “Opposition” favored by NATO and the Arabian dung beetles. He is none other than:
I know she’s dead. But then again, what’s the difference? With her countenance properly packed in an urn fit for a Ptolemaic queen, she can do no harm. And you know the old Latin expression? Right?
Yeah, sure. We promise. Fingers crossed behind my back. ZAF