SECOND POST – JUNE 5, 2013 – CAPTAIN KANGAROO TO PERSONALLY COMMAND FAKE SYRIAN ARMY; NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

MERCURY NEWS SERVICE HAS LEARNED THAT GEORGE “THE SWORD OF GOD” SABRA HAS DECIDED TO PERSONALLY COMMAND THE FAKE SYRIAN ARMY.  PRESIDENT ASSAD SAID TO BE DUMBFOUNDED!  FIRST LADY, ASMA AL-ASSAD,  SAYS “POOP”!

George Sabra, seen here with his adjutant, Kentucky Colonel Crispin Greenjeans, just before the announcement that he was going to relieve Gen. Saleem Idrees of his command over the Fake Syrian Army.

(Brunhilde Liebesbombe reporting with Ogden Orffe, photographer.  Exclusive to MNS)

George Sabra, pacing de long en large, up and down the fetid, bug-filled, humid corridor of this hotel in Istanbul,  kept muttering:  “How could they lose Al-Qaseer?” (sic)  His depression was even more on display after our crew confronted him outside the foyer of the 17th Century Ottoman brothel, now used as a way-station for itinerants from Sub-Saharan Africa where the Erdoghan government usually lodges Christian, Hindu and animist diplomats.  His demeanor was stern and his speech clipped like that of an English martinet.  We asked him what he was going to do now that the military campaign of the FSA in Syria had been dealt a devastating blow in Homs?

“I will first refuse to attend the Geneva-II conference.  I’ll let Kerry know this.  I will demand more weapons from Prince What’s-His-Face.  I will train an army of mutant lemurs from Madagascar to invade Syria to crush Assad’s.  I will fire Idrees and command the army myself.  I am the first Christian Stalinist Communist Kiddy-Show Producer to command Al-Qaeda!!”  With that he raised his index finger into the air while slurping some Turkish raki (a grape liquor which tastes like ouzo) from a pocket sized “bat-ha”.  “That’s what I’ll do.”  He walked off.  And, we followed. 

MNS:  Have you informed General Idrees of your decision?

SABRA:  I called him this morning and told him he was a limp-wristed, addle-brained, twaddle-thumbed, doofus-duffed, quack-quacked, boozing-snoozing, dipsomaniacal dunderhead.  That’s what I told him.  I told him he was fired, too!!

MNS:  How did he respond?

SABRA:  He didn’t.  Some Englishman got on the phone and told me to “piss off”!     

MNS:  Have you discussed this with Ghassan Shitto of the National Coalition of Syrian Revolution and something or another?  The NACOSROF?

SABRA:  He’s staying at a better hotel.  He has Davutoglu, the Turkish FM, hiding in his bathroom because of all the demonstrations.  He says he doesn’t care who runs the FSA because nobody does anyway.  But he invited me over for some barbecue.

“George Sabra?” …..You’ve gotta be joking,” responds President Bashar Al-Assad upon hearing the announcement that the FSA will be commanded by George Sabra. “I’ll have to let our Syrian girl scouts know about this.”     

MNS:  What will be your first act as Commander in Chief of the Fake Syrian Army?

SABRA:  I will appoint General Zod as field commander.  I am in contact with General Zod through Colonel Riyadh Al-As’ad on the Planet Zontar.  We’ll make a great team.  His crutches give him a nice charismatic touch.”

MNS:  Good grief!  Mr. Sabra, General Zod is from a Superman movie and he’s played by Terence Stamp.

SABRA:  I noticed he had a British accent.  But, that’s okay.  Mr. Stamp is welcome to command the armed forces of the New Fake Syrian Army or NAFSA OF NACOSROF!!

General Zod, seen here issuing orders to Libyan Al-Qaeda vermin during a “self-criticism session” in Adana, Southern Turkey.  “Allahu Akbar!  Then, come and kneel before Captain Kangaroo!”

MNS:  But what about Colonel Al-As’ad.  Didn’t he receive his prosthesis yet for the right leg?

SABRA:  I’m afraid the German government will not send weapons or prosthetic devices to us.  That
Teutonic clown, Westerwelle, their foreign minister, put the kibosh on that.  Last thing he told me by phone was: “You don’t have a leg to stand on.”  Ha ha ha.  Isn’t he funny?  He also said that they would not be sending any peg-legs either.  So much for German generosity.  

MNS:  Mrs. Assad, the Syrian First Lady, is said to have laughed wildly after hearing you appointed yourself as Commander of the NFSA.  How would you respond to that?

SABRA:  The doctors always get the nice looking dames.  Guys like me, well, we get the dogs. Ever see my wife?  Her name is Baj’ah.  What a life!

“George Sabra?  That nincompoop?”, asks the photogenic first lady of Syria, Asma Al-Assad.  “That’s like having Dudley Doright in charge of the Salvation Army”.   


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NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.  A LOT OF GIBBERISH TOO, BY THE WAY:

We already know this, but it’s nice to see western media enjoying humble pie:

http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2013/06/05/193039/pro-assad-forces-retake-strategic.html#.Ua8yhdiyTkU

I guess the victory in Al-Qusayr even affected the Bulgarian investigation:

http://english.al-akhbar.com/content/bulgaria-hezbollah-role-bus-bombing-unproven

Intelligent, typically British article about Erdoghan qua Thatcher:

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/turkey-protests-erdoan-is-turkeys-mrs-thatcher–and-hes-not-for-turning-either-8645376.html

Erdoghan and the Pandora’s Box he opened:

http://www.worldbulletin.net/?aType=haber&ArticleID=110603

Laugh your heads off at this NBC nonsense about Al-Qusayr.  Propaganda quality nonsense:

http://worldnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/06/05/18771325-syrias-assad-claims-victory-in-major-battle-rebels-say-they-are-being-massacred

Really well-written article for the English about Syria. 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/middleeast/syria/10100362/Forget-the-British-Empire-Syrias-fate-is-not-ours-to-determine.html

Information is pouring in about Aleppo.  I’ll try to get it to you today.  ZAF

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