Well, the mysterious leader of Jabhat Al-Nusra took it in the noggin yesterday in northwest Latakia near the Turk border. I understand the event took place at Ra’s Al-Basseet in the shadow of the beautiful Jabal Al-Aqra’ (Bald Mountain). In any case, I seriously doubt this blackguard did not die as I wrote on May 9, 2013. My Intel was that he took a shot to the head in the East Ghoutaa. His death was kept secret in order to maintain the down-spiraling morale of his rodent army. Whether he’s dead or not makes no difference because the J.N. is now being supplanted by the more virulent ISIS (courtesy of Bandar the Ape). J.N. is losing ground to everybody.
Al-Qantara/Al-Kabeer: NDF and security uncovered another warehouse filled with heat-seeking missiles. As the SAA approached, 6 vans with weapons arrived. The scene was pure pandemonium as SAA and NDF held target practice killing 68 rodents. Inside were 3 Egyptians, 1 Saudi and a clutch of Syrians. All were killed. The Gyppos have not been identified:
“Imaaduddeen Al-Jawlaani” (What do Golan people have to do with the coast? Id pending. He was a leader. He was an ISIS leader and former J.N. commander for Idlib and Latakia countryside. No more.)
“Al-Hajjaaj Al-Taghlibi” (SAUDI FORNICATOR OF CHILDREN AND GIBBON APE)
“Abu Anas Al-Hawraani” (Id pending)
Ahmad Maalek Al-Nu’aymi
The rest have not been identified.
Al-Kabeer in another area: 2 warehouses filled with a kaleidoscope of weapons and ammo was found and all contents seized for use by our militias. 4 were captured and are warbling. This was totally ISIS:
“Abu Ahmad Al-‘Iraaqi” (IRAQI FLY LARVA. Leader. Id pending.)
‘Abdul-Razzaaq Al-Leebi” (LIBYAN BARBARY APE SPUTUM AND CHILD MOLESTER. Id pending)
“Abu Lahab Al-‘Umari” (LIBYAN FECES COLLECTOR AND SOCIOPATH)
Another 7 could not be identified even by the prisoners.
Al-Shahroora: A flatbed with the usual 23mm machine gun cannon was destroyed along with 12 rodents of the Jabhat Al-Nusra:
Mustafaa ‘Ali Karnoob
Hussayn Ghuraab (Bye, bye. Black Bird)
Ahmad Nizhaam Moussa
Mahmoud Bahlawaan (Stop clowning around)
The remaining 4 were not identified.
Al-Burj Al-Faransi (The French Bridge): 3 missiles were being lugged by these hyenas. It was a fool’s errand:
Al-Duwayrika: 13 scavenging rodents were expelled back to the Eternal Cesspool:
No names for the rest who are believed to be foreign.
Al-Kindaasiyya and Al-Sukkariyya: Get these new rats:
‘Abu Ahmad Sheekhu” (FILIPINO ABU-SAYYAAF REJECT AND EXPERT ORANGUTAN)
“‘Abu ‘Umar Kaaku” (KAZAKH YURT MAKER AND YAK DEFILER)
“Abu ‘Abdullah Al-Shaykh” (FROM TASHKENT, UZBEKISTAN. LIKED SYRIAN BOYS)
“Abu ‘Umar Al-Daaghestaani” (DAGHESTANI MALE STRIPPER FOR SAUDI APES. TNT expert.)
“Abu Ahmad Al-‘Iraaqi” (IRAQI PEDOPHILE AND COPROPHAGIST)
Al-Rawdha: Where Riyaadh Al-As’ad lost his second leg, inter alia:
Al-Marooniyya: (Yes, there are Maronites in Syria): 5 rats took the early train to Belial’s BBQ Emporium:
Mahmoud Al-Sayyid Ahmad
Al-Durra Road: (The Little Pearl): 2 rodents rode the sled to an unhappy ending in the fire:
“Abu ‘Alaa'”: (PALESTEEZIAN HAMAS OPERATIVE AND HONEY DIPPER FOR ZIONISM)
“Abu ‘Aaref”: (PALESTEEZIAN HAMAS OPERATIVE AND USE PROPHYLACTIC COLLECTOR)
SAA troops guard the priceless town of Ma’loolaa. The gunner has his eyes on rodents hiding in caves on the north side. Their fate is sealed.
Al-Mulayha at the Tamiko Pharmaceutical Company: 8 rats killed. All foreigners.
Northwest of Yabrood in the Qalamoon: a brilliantly conceived and executed operation not only secured a usable mortar and many assault rifles for our militias and NDF, the SAA counted 26 confirmed rat carcasses all belonging to ISIS. No names available.
QATAR: PRINCE TAMEEM HAS ARRESTED HIS FATHER AND PLACED HIS MOTHER UNDER HOUSE ARREST FOR “OVERSPENDING” AND “WASTE OF NATIONAL TREASURE”. It is no secret now that the new prince of the Grand Duchy of Fenwick has decided that all those thousands of dead Syrians were not worth the trouble. Besides having his corpulent father put in irons, he has been sending out feelers to see if Syria will forgive him and turn a new page. Seeing there were over 60 projects for Qatar in Syria worth billions, it might be time to see if the fledgling prince is for real.
Why isn’t Prince Lardhead smiling? Why is the fella to the right beaming? I don’t know. It’s a family secret.
SALEEM IDREES HAS BEEN ARRESTED BY FSA TURNCOATS SICK OF HIS MISMANAGEMENT. This story is not confirmed yet, but it looks like all those who wanted to overthrow Dr. Assad are winding up in the caboose. And so, for Mr. Idrees, the curtain has started to descend upon his shaky head. I cannot get Aslan to respond to me because he is so upset his predictions (which are coming true today) were not true when he made them. I am trying to assuage his hurt feelings. He is much better than Joshua Landis, as you will see shortly.
If you want to know what Dr. Mengele would have looked liked like in the dock at Nuremburg, try this one out.
FSA IS MEETING WITH SYRIAN HIGH COMMAND TO FIND AN ARRANGEMENT. This is a complicated story which I will deal with when more Intel comes in. We can assure our readers and members that a revolutionary change is coming to the way FSA operates. They have seen the light.
ANKARA, TURKEY: It appears Hakan Fidan of the Turkish MIT is about to be given the boot. Too many rats are in the south. Some, the ISIS, have been surveilled preparing at least 10 car bombs for Turkey’s cities. What’s a masterspy to do? Also, watch F.M. Davutoglu take it right in his pygmy kisser. He’s out also. Erdoghan is next. GENERAL NECDET OZEL, WHEN WILL YOU END TURKEY’S SUFFERING AND BRING YOUR COUNTRY BACK TO ATATURK’S VISION? The time is now.
MAJOR NEWS: BANDAR THE APE REBUFFED IN JORDAN BY INTELLIGENCE CHIEF. KING ABDULLAH SEES THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL. SyrPer can confirm that Bandar Bin Chimpanzee was in Jordan last Thursday to “coordinate” his fantasy of an overthrow of Dr. Assad’s government. It did not go well when Jordanian General Intelligence Agency Chief, Faysal Al-Shawbaki, told the grizzled prince of poop that he could expect little more assistance while the Americans were shutting down their operations. His planned meeting in ‘Aqaba on Friday was cancelled without date. So sad.
NEWS AND PROPAGANDA:
JOSHUA LANDIS HUMILIATED: 2012’s co-winner of the SyrPer Dr. Pangloss Award along with other curiously inept “experts” on Syria like Andrew Tabler (“I have no Ph.D.) and Fouad Ajami, is stymied by his own fraud. He is an expert on Syria the way Pat Robertson is an expert on God. A complete failure. Even his “Alawi wife” can’t save him from oblivion after a series of disastrously telling mispredictions:
Here he is on his trip to Uganda where he hopes to land a new job as “Syrian Expert in Residence” at the Idi Amin School of Regional Studies. His wife wants to go back to Tartous, maybe.
Interesting new light on Bandar the Baboon’s attitude towards Shi’i hostages. Why doesn’t Hizbollah just take a few Saudis hostage?
This is a fine article about Bandar the Ape and his bizarre ideations. It also proves that Ziad is right about the alternative media and how influential it has become:
Anon. sends this informative article about how “whatever goes around, comes around”:
Anon sends this absolutely gut-splitting little clip acted out by serious actors. It is a must-see:
WILE E. COYOTE “ALLAHU AKBAR” MOMENT (Thanks, Anon)
And another one with a loud-mouthed amateur trying to bear down on a professional SAA sniper. Thanks, Anon: