YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE STEVE MCQUEEN TO GET IN ON THE ACTION NOW THAT THE SYRIAN INTELLIGENCE AND SECURITY ESTABLISHMENT HAS ANNOUNCED OPEN HUNTING SEASON ON ALL FOREIGN RODENT MERCENARIES TRYING TO OUST PRESIDENT BASHAR AL-ASSAD AND IMPOSE THEIR NIHILISTIC, REACTIONARY AND HYPOCRITICAL LIFESTYLE ON MUSLIMS AND CHRISTIANS ALIKE.
SYRIA IS NOW OFFERING A WHOPPING 500,000 SYRIAN LIRA (a huge amount for Syrian citizens) for any information that will lead to the “neutralization” (heh, heh) of foreign or non-Syrian rodents
fighting on the lands of the Syrian Arab Republic. The information used to “neutralize” (heh, heh) the malfeasor will never be revealed and any individual who comes forward with such information shall be given whatever protection is needed to prevent reprisals or any other such barbaric actions.
BUT DO NOT FEAR! IF THE RASCAL IS NOT FOREIGN, YOU CAN STILL COLLECT A RESPECTABLE 200,000 SYRIAN LIRA. THAT’S RIGHT. THE SYRIAN SECURITY SERVICES WILL NOT PUNISH ANYONE WHO POINTS OUT A VARMINT WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE SYRIAN CITIZENSHIP. IT’S JUST THAT THE AMOUNT GOES DOWN. TRAITORS ARE CHEAP BUT MERCENARIES ARE THE CAT’S MEOW.
WHAT DOES A FOREIGN TERRORIST MERCENARY LOOK LIKE? THAT’S EASY:
The Libyan mercenary in this picture is exemplaristic. He is “Abu ‘Umar Al-Libi” or Gharboosh Bin Fustuq Al-Qawaaridhi. Most foreign mercenaries look like him. They can be found in sewers from whence the sound of their peculiar and inept Qur’anic recitation often emanates. (It is sometimes heard as Chechen, Afghani, Libyan or French) He can also be found around garbage dumps, septic tanks and cesspools. “Is it possible that killing such a vermin could yield 500,000 Syrian lira?” You betcha! And what’s more, the Pied Piper of Hama Committee will further sweeten the pot by awarding any fine citizen a lifetime supply of D-Con Vermin Toxin, a real must if you live in areas where ignorance is the ethos of choice.
But because so many of our rat population holds Syrian citizenship, the rewards are somewhat less. For that reason, the formidable amount of 200,000 S.L. will be augmented by a full one-year supply of these indispensable gadgets:
This is one appliance no home in Der’ah should be without. And, if you snitch on some rodent now and he’s caught, you will get, not only the Swiss-made contraption in the photo show above, you will also get a lifetime supply of our choice of:
A. Kashkeval Cheese B. Syrian White Cheese C. Swiss Jahrlsberg Cheese D. Velveeta
It’s your choice. You are in control.
This message is an announcement paid for by the BANDAR CRITTER RAT CONTROL ASSOCIATION and does not reflect necessarily the views or opinions of all civilized people. It does, however, reflect the established position of Syrian Perspective. We wish all of you HAPPY HUNTING and a comfortable afterlife.
Attorney for 35 years and Supreme Court Certified Interpreter for Arabic/English
Diploma with Honors from Ann Arbor Pioneer High School in 1968; B.A. University of Michigan in Ann Arbor 1968-1972; M.A. University of Michigan Dept. of Near Eastern Studies 1972-1974; Ph.D. Cand. Univ. of Michigan 1972-1977; Then went to law school. Credits: Harvard University for classes in Islamic Philosophy; Fellowships from University of Pennsylvania 1976; 2 from Univ. of Michigan. Read English, Arabic, German, French, Farsi, some Hebrew. Studied Ancient Greek and Latin before grad school. Michigan Supreme Court Certified Interpreter/Translator for Arabic and English