“E’er I saw Cuba”. Bandar likes good cigars and Cuban rum. Bandar also likes terrorists. It’s going to be perfect for him.
Bandar bin Orangutan, seen here in a CNN studio answering questions about where the next bullet is going to strike.
I had to confirm the news coming out of Iran that Bandar is going to sojourn in the U.S. for a time before he’s sent to a funny farm in the south. What south? Have a guess.
I also had to have a platform to publish the information – which I did not have until today. The effort to move our program to a website while the FBI investigated the miserable Islamist pervert, who was hacking into our system, came a cropper for reasons I will detail later.
In any case: Robert Ford, the misguided former U.S. ambassador to Syria and SyrPer’s laureled winner of the 2011-2012 Egon Krenz/Markus Wolf Stasi Award for Service to the Syrian Security Services vouched for the veracity of the information from Tehran when he threatened the SNC with a cutoff of all American aid including Spam cans, night vision equipment, satellite Intel and snow shovels if they did not attend Geneva II. He even threatened Salim Idrees with early denial of his application for a green card.
Bandar suffers from serious and chronic back pain caused by swinging recklessly from one tree vine to another with his paws slathered with banana oil. The Saudis are trying to conceal the real reasons for Bandar’s sudden disappearance by cloaking it in medical gibberish. In truth, Bandar’s condition is actually psychiatric. You see, SyrPer has learned that Bandar suffers from a condition with which King Hussein’s father, Talal, was associated – to wit: ersatz-schizo-simiano-solipsism, a condition deemed incurable by most German zoologists.
My source in Syria tells me that Bandar’s departure has not quite sunk in yet. It seems almost too good to be true. After all, SyrPer’s repetitive predictions about his downfall were not authoritative. I mean, were they? In any case, Ford has warned his rudderless wards that “Bandar ain’t gonna be around any more”. Nyuk. “Bandar is going to Zontar, the home planet of Colonel Riyaadh Al-As’ad”.
Bandar seen here before his accident. His fur is golden because he is a member of the Saudi “royal” family of apes.
SyrPer is speculating that the “royal” monkeys of Arabia are looking with some apprehension at the Hague trial of the non-existent alleged assassins of former Lebanese Prime Minister and Saudi catamite, Rafiq Hariri. Well. Is it possible that the actions taken recently by Dr. Bashar Al-Jaafari at the U.N. to indict Turkey, Qatar and Saudi Arabia for war crimes is having an effect? Are the Saudis soiling their dishdaashas? You bet your bippy they are.
With the scruffy, blue-jeaned, faux Americain, swaggering-staggering orangutan out of the picture, what will the exiled opposition do? Who’s gonna write those fat checks that keep everybody at the Ritz? Poor Captain Kangaroo. Poor Pimp of Palmyra, Ahmad Jarba. And what about Burhaan “Le Pipe” Ghalioun? And whatever happened to Ahmad Mu’aadh Al-Khateeb? Yawn.
It looks like Montreux, Switzerland, is going to be fun – ahem – that is for Dr. Assad. But, we just heard that the SNC has rebuffed Ford insisting that Iran not attend unless it declares its support for the resolution adopted at Geneva 1. Since Dr. Assad has made it clear he’s not stepping down, especially while the SAA is beating the stuffing out of the foreign rats, the whole Geneva-1 boondoggle is hardly worth mentioning. The Swiss have some nice white wines and good cheeses. I certainly hope the former and future-exiles won’t skip any opportunities to sit down and sip wines made from sour grapes. ZAF