Syrian Army troops from the 4th Mechanized Armored Division assess their victory over the rats at Al-Shaykh Najjaar. ALEPPO:
Al-Shaykh Najjaar: The last nest of rodent filth was rendered dust by the SAA yesterday as all the vermin left in a hurry toward their Masada in ‘Anadaan. The sweep was completed on Sunday in this important northern town clearing the way for businesses to reopen in the Industrial Zone. Note the proximity of this area to the Central Prison to the west. Also liberated was Tallat Al-Ghaali
Central Prison: SAA hunted down and killed 6 Al-Jabha Al-Islamiyya terrorists in Jubayla next door to the west yesterday reintroducing a strategy of aggressive pursuit to keep the rodents off balance. I have no names because most of the JI rats are foreigners and they most often do not carry identification.
Kuwayris Village: SAA engaged a rat pack who were carrying 2 Russian made 9M1233 Kornet anti-tank launchers and rockets. No more. The weapons have been seized from the 11 rodents who were unceremoniously remitted to the kind clutches of Lucifer. No names.
Rasm Al-‘Abbood: Skirmishing with no details.
Faafeen: The day before yesterday, a pack of skunks were caught sneaking into this rural area by NDF who opened fire on their convoy of 3 vans and 2 flatbeds. 1 van escaped a all others were killed or taken prisoner:
Tulaay Iskandaroghlu (TURK GNAT CARRYING FAKE PAPERS. Id pending) Hussayn Haani Talaal Ahmad Sindeed Muhammad Sa’ad ‘Abdul-Salaam Hilaal Al-Mabrook The other 12 could not be identified.
Kafr Sagheer: Just north of liberated Al-Shaykh Najjaar, heavy fighting going on right now.
Industrial Area: Heavy fighting. No details.
Al-Marja: Inside the city, a pack of rats was intercepted. Skirmishing. No rat fatalities to report.
Qaadhi ‘Askar: Fighting with no details. Old City: At the Khusrufiyya Mosque, 16 scavengers were sent to the Old Scratch Vineyards and Wineries on the shores of the Styx River.
“Abu-Al-Baron” (Id pending)
Mahmoud Al-Koot ‘
The rest could not be identified and are believed to be Turks. DAMASCUS:
Huge demonstration in Jayrood after the SAA liberated it when the citizens demanded a prompt response to the rat attack on the Syrian Red Crescent worker, Nisreen Al-Hakeem.
Damascus area incredibly quiet except for Yabrood. The East Ghouta is Ratten-rein with no evidence of an intended return. I have no news, period, from the Ghouta..
HOMS: Al-Zaara: An Al-Qaeda group of incompetents calling itself the “Tanzheem Jund Al-Shaam” or the “Soldiers of Syrian Organization” (yawn) was wiped out yesterday in this town that’s about to fall. Evidence from some taken prisoner indicate these rodents were trying to get to Hissn somehow before the final assault. They only got to a kilometer from Al-Zaara before they faced justice:
Faysal Daawood ‘Uqla (MOROCCAN ANT SNOT LEADER)
Jamaal Al-Shaater (LEBANTEEZIAN HASHEESH RESIDUE)
Kaayed Abu-Saleema No other names.
Ikrima Neighborhood: A huge demonstration in support of the army and the president reported here.
Al-Rastan: East of the Al-Daalli Fuel Station and inside the city, security and NDF killed 10 rodents. Also, 35 rats have turned themselves in asking for Amnesty under the decree 2013/70. Now they are human again.
Daar Al-Kabeera: Remnant rats on their way out take a hit from police. No details.
Al-Khaalidiyya: All rats in a nest exterminated. No details.
Al-Wa’er Gardens: Skirmishing with no details. Al-Massaabigh (Leather Works area): Ditto.
Baab Hood: A tunnel was discovered in the Old Market. Weapons inside were seized and given to the NDF for killing Saudis.
Al-Safsaafa: No details about police action here.
Al-Warsha: Some skirmishing with remant drug-dealing rodents.
Al-Qaraabees: Light fighting. One dead rodent.
AL-HASAKA: Qaamishli Area: The SAA eradicated a caravan of ISIS trucks loaded with stolen grain which the scavengers intended to sell in Turkey. The grain came from the silos at southern Tal Humays. I have no details about the identities of these creatures.
All telecom and satellite services have been restored to all of Al-Hasaka Governorate after an optical cable was destroyed by rats about 7 days ago. Al-Qaamishli: This might be stale news now: On January 19, 2014, we can confirm the surrender of 17 rats to General Security with a request for Amnesty. Al-Tawareej Village: A convoy of vans was intercepted and destroyed by air power after rats were caught filling trucks with grain for sale in Turkey. 16 rats confirmed dead with over 50 escaping.
HAMA: THE SYRIAN ARMY HAS RESTORED SECURITY TO ALL PARTS OF THE TOWN OF MA’AAN WHICH WAS VISITED BY THE SAUDI-FINANCED AND AMERICAN-ENABLED RATS OF THE JABHAT AL-NUSRA LAST WEEK RESULTING IN A MASSACRE OF OVER 40 ALAWI CITIZENS SLAUGHTERED BECAUSE OF THEIR RELIGION.
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We hate to be so snivellingly evil, but you’re going to love this. Our compliments to David Cameron: