“WE NEED A HOME. WILL YOU TAKE US IN?“

THE SYRIAN GOVERNMENT HAS IMPLEMENTED A NEW POLICY DESIGNED TO ADDRESS THE HUMANITARIAN CONCERNS OF MANY: WHAT TO DO ABOUT FOREIGN TERRORISTS CAPTURED BY THE SYRIAN ARMY?

With the Amnesty Program moving apace in the country giving young men a second chance at a normal life,  thousands have availed themselves of the opportunity to transmogrify from rodents into human beings.  But what about captured terrorists from foreign countries?  Don’t they count for anything? ……….Sure they do.

The Syrian Ministry of Foreign Affairs announces a new program designed to repatriate captured terrorists from the following countries: United Kingdom, Australia, United States, France and Germany, and to offer them for adoption by loving, civilized families. We’re sorry, but, terrorists from countries like Saudi Arabia and Chechnya will have to euthanized and cremated.

Clove Barnacle of Coventry, U.K., plays with her recently-acquired terrorist pet, ‘Abu Falaafel”, in her newly refurbished flat.  “My God, I never knew how nice a local terrorist could be. Why, I wouldn’t know what to do without him. And, he speaks English!”, she purrs.   

Our catalog includes thousands of British, French, American, Australian and German nationals.  They all need a loving home in their country of origin.  Aren’t you willing to provide that to them?

Now and only now, the Syrian Government is prepared to send these terrorists back to their homelands at only a minimum cost to the adopting family.  The Syrian Government guarantees that all terrorists sent to the listed countries will have received rabies shots, Interferon and penicillin injections.  Our foreign terrorists are only rarely without complete body parts – amputations sometimes necessary to save the poor critter’s life.

SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED!!  If you order today, the Syrian Government will send the adopting family an EXTRA TERRORIST!  WHAT AN OFFER!  That’s right.  TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!! Another terrorist just like the ones in the picture shown at the start of this advertisement.

Don’t be shy.  It’s time you took these terrorists back.  And what better way than by adoption.  Have them in your home.  Listen to these testimonials from adoptive citizens:

“Jeez’o’Pete!  I never knew how great it would be to have my own cannibal in the house. Instead of having to feed him, he finds vermin on my property and eats them. I really like what he does to rats!”  Kazimir Cownofski, Hemp Highlands, New Jersey

Kazimir horsing around with his pet terrorist, Abu-Hummus.

“The wife and me, well, we’re getting up there in years.  Thanks to the Adopt a Terrorist Program, we don’t have to make tea any more. I didn’t know Pakistanis drank tea. So now, Fern and I can relax and let him brew it.”  Smedley Darff-Tetley, Stankblaster-on-Stye, Kent, U.K.

Abu-Arse, says “Hullo” to Smedley every morning before tea. 

THE SYRIAN GOVERNMENT GUARANTEES THE ARRIVAL OF EVERY TERRORIST TO HIS HOME COUNTRY IN HIS OWN PRIVATE CAGE PROVIDED BY THE GOVERNMENT.  Once on his home turf, he is the responsibility of the adoptive family unit or the governmental agency responsible for monitoring his “condition”.

DISCLAIMER:  The Syrian Government, its embassies and representatives, explicitly deny any warranties as to the fitness of any terrorist sent to the above-mentioned countries with regard to domestication or adaptiveness.  In fact, the Syrian Government specifically excludes any consideration for damages in the event the 1. terrorist kills or injures a family member 2. blows himself up in a train station or 3. eats the adoptive family members. Adoptive families have been warned not to permit any adopted terrorist to drive a car or truck.  KEEP TERRORIST PET AWAY FROM FERTILIZER.

This is an advertisement paid for by the NATO ADOPT A RAT IN COUNTRY ORGANIZATION or NARCO.