All of us love a good joke.  We even love a nice dose of scandal – something to make us shiver in delight when someone says something so fatuous you cringe in embarrassment for him; or is caught in a penumbra of hypocrisy as sodden with malodorous peccadilloes as it is with Iago-esque innuendo. Michel Sulayman, the Lebanese Maronite president, is about to leave office on May 25, 2014, with a legacy so rife with negligence, four-flushing, conspiracy and connivance, he had to utter these words to the daily Al-Jumhooriyya yesterday in something that sounded like an apologia at Satan’s Gate. (Try to keep from laughing yourselves silly):

On Hizbollah: “Did you forget you went far beyond your “mandate” on the subject of resistance and went to Syria to fight?”

“I have said what I have said because I am committed to the oath.  But, exceeding the mandate given to the Resistance compelled me to speak out frankly because it’s my duty to tell the truth.”

He called on Hizbollah to withdraw from Syria “….because your participation in the Syrian war has done great damage to Hizbollah and to Lebanon”.   Yeah, and to Saudi Arabia and Obama.

And now, before you barf your breakfast, get this corker: “I will happily hand over my duties to the president-elect.  I will go home. I performed my national duty and my conscience is clear.” Oh, will the Saints spare us the pontifications? Conscience is clear?  Sure, if you’re a sociopath, your conscience would be clear just like when you empty your bladder on something you didn’t want.

The policy of “DISSOCIATION”? Remember that? Lebanon is dissociated from the situation in Syria.  Sulayman was so disengaged he actually put his head in the sand, turned a blind eye or just plainly winked as thousands of terrorists belonging to the opposition set up shop on his borders with Syria in order to try to oust the sitting president of a neighboring country.  He even let a gaggle of Gauls into the country to enable the terrorists in the north to better seek targets in their grand effort to destabilize Syria and destroy its infrastructure. The French spy contingent came in to Beirut Airport without even trying to conceal its identity.  They hopped on their Oscar Mayer Wiener trucks amidst the refulgent flashes of cameras and drove to the ‘Akkaar effortlessly and without incident to meet up with their sacred heroes of nihilism. “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and money for me.” 

There is no doubt in our mind that Sulayman was in the Saudi bag, so to speak, from the moment the apes of Arabia and Sa’ad Hariri decided to lock their hairy, greasy paws together to overthrow Dr. Assad.  He may not have liked it, but, the Saudis had a lot of money in the Banque du Liban and Medbank; and owned much real estate which successive governments in Lebanon permitted them to buy despite the fact that Lebanese were not allowed to own land on the sacred sands of Arabia unless they did so with a Saudi ape formally on the title.  So, when Arabia grunts, Sulayman dances.

But, there is more than money. Sulayman knew that the huge Syrian military would someday play a role in Lebanon.  Like most Maronites, he harbors a grudge against Damascus, the Ba’ath and militarily superior Syria.  He will not admit that it was Syria which saved the Maronites’ bacon in Lebanon in 1976 when General Hafez Al-Assad intervened in the Lebanese Civil War to prevent the collapse of the Maronite Right in order to maintain a balance of forces – a decision that General Assad might today have rued had he lived long enough to feel right-wing Maronite treachery.

Like most Maronite fascists, he grudgingly admires the Zionists and thinks of them as protectors, or, at a minimum, fellows in the anti-Islamic trench.  So, when the Saudis made it clear they wanted an anti-Assad front in Lebanon, Sulayman, true to his oath (nyuk), stuck his head in the sand and just let it happen.


Once Sulayman knew there would be no change in Syria and that he now had tens of thousands of Syrian and foreign Jihadist terrorists – whom he allowed on Lebanese soil – not to mention 1,000,000 Syrian refugees draining Lebanese coffers, he made a trip to the ape king of Arabia, Abdullah, and implored the simian suzerain to lend a hand.

Here is a transcript of the secret conversation between the two in Riyadh as recorded by a fly working for the Mercury News Service who had managed to find a hiding place in the king’s sticky beard:

SULAYMAN: Your Highness, ahem, it appears Bandar’s and Robert Ford’s predictions were completely wrong.  What do I do now?

ABDULLAH: Cockadoodledoo!

SULAYMAN: I mean, if you don’t mind the expression, it’s all a big SNAFU.  I’ve got these bearded killers all over the country and they are calling me an infidel. This Abu Bambam the Indonesian wants to behead me.  Then I’ve got Hizbollah and they can beat the Israelis and our army. Can you help?

ABDULLAH:  Put your faith in Allah, for Allah even helps infidels.

SULAYMAN:  Yes, that’s very nice.

ABDULLAH: How much?

SULAYMAN: Three billion.

ABDULLAH: For arms?

SULAYMAN: No. For me and Jumblatt.  I’ve got to find a safe place to hide.

ABDULLAH: We will have to make it look like a deal for arms from France.  We always make these military deals, you know, to smuggle money out of the country. Okay. Will the French go along?

SULAYMAN: Francois loves it. He only wants a fraction in tins of pate de foie Perigord.

“As queer as a 100 riyal note”

All Lebanese should thank this departing patriot for the great works he has performed.  Thanks to Sulayman, the rats who were intended to enter Tal Kalakh from Waadi Khaaled are now stuck in Lebanese Wadi Khaled.

The rodents who were meant to fight at Al-Qusayr and beyond are huddled in large numbers in Hermel, Lebanon.

And those intended to fight in the Qalamoon, well, they’re just stuck in Lebanese ‘Arsaal.

So, how will the Lebanese get rid of all these armed killers?  Gee, Golly, we just don’t know.

And who is Sulayman going to blame for this?

Samir Geagea says he wants to run for president of the republic in what he called “the Mother of All Battles”.  It would be most appropriate for Lebanon to go from a swindling, conniving, devious stooge of the Saudis to a convicted murderer, child killer, church destroyer, gangster and Saudi stooge like Geagea.  After all, it is poetic justice that a country so narcissistic and involved with its self-image, should look into the surface of the Dog River and see its reflection as, not an ostrich, but an extinct Dodo bird.

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