SYRIAN PERSPECTIVE EXCLUSIVE REPORT:
SYRIAN LAVATORY FOR HUMAN RIGHTS AND LOCAL COORDINATING COMMITTEES REPORT 7 HUGE FREIGHTERS LANDING AT PORT OF AL-SAMRAA ON THE NORTHERN COAST OF LATAKIA LADEN WITH 40,000 TOW MISSILES, SARIN GAS CANISTERS, 31 APACHE HELICOPTERS AND 3,000,000 CAPTAGON CAPSULES! THE GIANT SHIPS FLAGGED BY PANAMA AND SIERRA LEONE WERE CHARTERED BY JOHN KERRY HIMSELF WITH MILLIONS OF DOLLARS PURLOINED FROM HIS HEIRESS WIFE THERESA HEINZ’S 57 VARIETY TRUST. THE EVENT WAS PARTICULARLY NOTEWORTHY AS THE RUSSIAN MEDITERRANEAN FLEET SIMPLY LOOKED ON IMPASSIVELY, ADMIRAL VOSOLOVOD KITCHYKOOENKO PLAYING DOMINOES AND DRINKING POLISH VODKA ON THE MOSKVA’S SUPERSTRUCTURE.
Here is a satellite view of the port area where the ships are landing:
Mr. Kerry was not available for an interview with our reporters but made a public statement that he was “breaking with the Obama Administration over Syria”….and that “if that Chicago rat doesn’t want to help Alqaeda, Theresa and I will.”
When asked about his position as Secretary of State, Kerry replied: “F*%$#*K him and the EU!” Mr. Kerry who has been reported receiving treatment for schizophrenia at the Johns Hopkins Deviant Behavior Clinic railed at enemies both real and imaginary: “Those damn Langoliers and Palestoozians. Now Abbas wants a townhouse in Georgetown. Over my dead body!” Members of the State Department security team tasked with controlling Mr. Kerry came to his rescue just before he was about to ingest an entire vial of Tranylcypromine (Parnate), an MAO inhibitor which causes severe diarrhea in Irish people with an Eastern European Jewish grandfather.
We will continue our report concerning Mr. Kerry’s battle with schizophrenia in our next issue.
NEWS AND COMMENTARY:
If you thought only Qatar had a Madame Banana, you haven’t been keeping up with the rat “opposition”. This article in German from Der Spiegel is interesting and worth a read. Secular fellas must go:
WILE E. COYOTE MOMENT: (Thanks Erdal)