SYRIAN ARMY FLATTENS OBAMAS RATS IN HAMA

Mawrek (var: Murk)

This just in: In a firefight,  the Syrian Army has killed 16 rodents belonging to the Jabhat Al-Islam and wounded 36 others of whom 15 are now in custody and warbling like lovebirds:

  • ‘Umar Al-‘Abbaasi
  • Salloom ‘Ali Reesha
  • Muhammad Sha’baan
  • Sa’eed Zaydoon

The rest were not identified and are believed to be foreigners based on statements made by the captured rats.  Mostly Turks and Chechens.

Kafr Zaytaa: Vague reports of the SAA and NDF destroying 3 –4 rat nests here. But, I have no details.

 

IDLIB:

 

Binnish:  SYRPER IS JUBILANT IN ANNOUNCING THE DEATH OF ANOTHER VERMIN LEADER BY THE NAME OF MUSTAFAA QASSOOM in a battle that raged for hours here and resulted in the downward departure of 16 rodents with 36 taken prisoner. Qassoom was noted for his virulent hatred of minorities in Syria.  Another 2 pick-up trucks with 23mm machine gun cannons were destroyed in the process.  I have no names of the other dead rats.

 

Al-Tayyibaat: SAA and SAAF wreaked havoc with rat concentrations here with Nusra and Jabhat Al-Islam reeling from constant bombardment as they press their effort to relieve litter-mates in Kasab.

Haaj Hammood Farm:  NDF blazed new trails in the science of rodenticide by killing 11 of them hiding in a field in a nest covered by poorly camouflaged sheets of metal.  According to our sources, the metal began to reflect light strangely after sod used to cover it was blown away by high winds:

  • Qaassem Abu-Raashed
  • ‘Azzaam Muraad
  • Idrees Maleelaa
  • Muhammad Al-Sahraawi
  • Yazeed Al-Bawwaab
  • Saadeq Zayyaani
  • Fareed Abu-Jawhar
  • Mustafaa Ghazaal
  • ‘Alaa`-Al-Deen Waheed

The rest remain unidentified.

Jisr Al-Shughoor at the Al-Zanbaqi Crossroad:  No details about SAA ambush here.

Fighting reported also here:

  • Al-Raami
  • Jabal Al-Arba’een area (SAA control)
  • Al-Rooj Plain,
  • Kafr Haayaa
  • Ma’alla
  • Nahlayyaa
  • Al-Majaass
  • Al-Khirbatli Juice Bar (?)
  • Developing Battles reported at
  • Ma’r-Dibsa
  • Kafr Najd 
  • Baraamoor. 

 

DAYR EL-ZOR:

GLORIOSKI!!  ANOTHER 71 RATS DIE AS NUSRA AND JABHAT AL-ISLAM DUKE IT OUT WITH ISIS.  CAVEMAN AL-ZHAWAAHIRI DEMANDS TRUCE.  ISIS TELLS HIM TO GO FLY A KITE!

 

AL-ZHAWAAHIRI

Would you fight and die for someone who looks like this?   How about that “zaytoona” on his forehead from beating his brains on the carpet 50 times per day for the last 40 years? 

 

It’s a mess and it’s getting even better.  Today, near Al-Muri’iyya, rats went bonkers on one another slaughtering 71 of their own species of rodenta in a running gun battle reportedly resembling an American rumble complete with Hell’s Angels helmets and suped-up motorcycles.  It was a spectacle!  So impressive was the donnybrook that Ayman Al-Zhawaahiri, Alqaeda’s cave-dwelling resident kook, crackpot and Rat-Caliph , issued one of his copyrighted encyclicals exhorting his fellow vermin to stop killing one another so that they could unite in killing all secularists and taking the battle to Europe!  Isn’t that great?  I bet our European readers can’t wait for that to happen.

In any case, Abu-This and Abu-That in ISIS rejected his entreaty demanding that he turn himself over to ISIS for beheading.  So much for the halcyon days of the Islamist Spring.

 

AL-HASAKA:

NOT TO BE OUTDONE BY THE BROTHER-RODENTS OF DAYR EL-ZOR, NUSRA AND JABHAT AL-ISLAM WENT AT IT AGAIN WITH ISIS AT MARKADA AND MANAGED TO KILL 207 OF THEIR OWN FILTHY BREED OF VERMIN.  Markada is about 100 kms south of Al-Hasaka and is known for absolutely nothing.  In fact, an American production company wanted to film the movie “Village of the Damned” here but was dissuaded when industry moguls learned there was no village there.

 

 

images

EXCLUSIVE SYRPER PHOTO OF DEAD RODENTS IN MARKADA: 

This photograph was sent to us by a SyrPer informant inside the Nusra organization.  Nyuk.

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