THE HASHEMITE PRIMER FOR SURVIVAL IN THE SYRIAN DESERT

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“King” of Jordan

“What do you mean I’m a desert loving Englishman?” asks the clearly perturbed monarch of the Grand Duchy of Jordan 

 

AXIOM ONE:  No matter who your bloody mother really is, your real mother is England.

AXIOM TWO:  If your real biological mother is English, then you’re all set.

AXIOM THREE: Never trust a Palestinian.  Palestinians are naggers.  No I didn’t say the other word.  I said “Naggers”.

AXIOM FOUR:   Never trust a Jew. But always trust a Jew when it comes to Palestinians.

AXIOM FIVE:   Palestinians can only be trusted more when it comes to Syrians.

AXIOM SIX:  In truth, don’t trust anybody, especially Hashemites.

AXIOM SEVEN: Anyone who is taller than 5’4” cannot be a Hashemite.

AXIOM EIGHT:  Never stand next to your wife in front of a camera if you’re a Hashemite. She will always be taller.

King Abdullah Ibn Antoinette Avril Gardiner zawjat Hussein Ibn Zayn

 

HRH King Abdullah Ibn Antoinette Avril Gardiner zawjat Hussein Ibn Zayn stands next to his Palestinian wife who is kneeling at his feet. 

AXIOM NINE:  Never stand next to anyone unless he or she stands in a pot hole.  The exceptions are: Davutoghlu, Bouteflika, Sarkozy, Linda Hunt and Danny Devito.

AXIOM TEN:  Betray everyone and don’t take offense when they find out and backbite.

AXIOM ELEVEN:  Anger is for the weak.  Remember, there is always  the country home in Kent for retirement and the billions squirreled away in the Isle of Man.

AXIOM TWELVE:  When confronted with an insurgency, build a mosque or cower at the feet of a Saudi.

AXIOM THIRTEEN:  All Hashemites are Masons. But, not all Masons are Hashemites.

AXIOM FOURTEEN:  Your army is only as good as the Shekels in the officers’ Tel Aviv accounts.

AXIOM FIFTEEN: Entertain terrorists in your country but always reserve the right to betray them.

AXIOM SIXTEEN:  The best money is inherited money. The second best is the Irish Lottery.

AXIOM SEVENTEEN:  Keep all secrets to yourself until you want to destroy somebody.  Then rat fink!

AXIOM EIGHTEEN:  Keep your friends close. But keep your enemies in prison until they go insane.

AXIOM NINETEEN:  If your enemies do not go insane in prison, send them to Libya where they will go insane.

AXIOM TWENTY:  If the Libyans don’t drive them insane, recall your ambassador for consultation.

AXIOM TWENTY ONE: Dressing up like a stupid Arab bedouin is necessary to maintain pretenses for the Bani Sakhr and Huwaytaat.

“Hey, Abdul, why do we have to wear these Italian tablecloths all the time?”.  The young heir apparent (far right) was also puzzled.

AXIOM TWENTY TWO:  If you’ve been caught letting Americans train terrorists in Jordan to overthrow a president of a neighboring country, go visit Moscow – make exorbitant promises – buy a reactor.

AXIOM TWENTY THREE:  Make sure you always have your finger on the country’s water spigot.  If they complain, send the water to the Jews.

AXIOM TWENTY FOUR: Make sure to always have payment for water sent by the Jews to your bank on the Isle of Man.

AXIOM TWENTY FIVE:  Always try to seem moderate even if you are hosting an army of cannibals.

AXIOM TWENTY SIX:  Nothing is wrong with cannibals unless they’re eating your skin.

AXIOM TWENTY SEVEN:  Don’t ever offer your skin to a cannibal.

AXIOM TWENTY EIGHT:  Saudis are dreadful, smelly people.  Always daub your nostrils with Vaporub before meeting them.

AXIOM TWENTY NINE:  If the Vicks Vaporub doesn’t work, douse them with formaldehyde and light them up.

AXIOM THIRTY:  Most Saudis can be lit up without an accelerant. Most Saudis are lit up drunk anyways.

 

Fustuq Bin ‘Abdul-‘Azeez Bin Khurayyaan

Prince Fustuq Bin ‘Abdul-‘Azeez Bin Khurayyaan, Saudi Arabia’s ambassador to Amman, lights up the evening with his sister, Khallaa’ah, at the Raghadaan Palace.  He had just swallowed 7 Captagon pills, courtesy of his cousin Bandar, and started snorting Lebanese Red Hash.  It was scandalous.


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Erdal
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Level 0 - Anonymous
Erdal

Hello Ziad, what does the speaker say in the moment the terorrists are bombed?

http://en.alalam.ir/video/1583227

NewYorke
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Level 3 - Praetorian
NewYorke

Very funny. Several axioms applies to American and European politicians.

captaincorto
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Level 3 - Praetorian
captaincorto

Very closely observed and accurately described. Monkey see, monkey do. Let Hashemite or Saud, their family-ties date back to the dark ape-ages. They were the first obstacle on the way, when African-Lucy left the continent to fetilize the rest of the world. Seems those gene was most persistent on the peninsula and around there!

cc

Sitting on the fence
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Level 1 - Novice
Sitting on the fence

I shall go out on a limb and say that Ziad does not like this wanker!

CHEVI789
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Level 7 - Tribunus Angusticlavius

Now what the hell makes you say that? Ziad loves all human beings, oops, i forgot, this one and some others are not.

gbcd
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Level 2 - Veteran
gbcd
This good news is from Farsnews (http://english.farsnews.com/newstext.aspx?nn=13930122000169) today: TEHRAN (FNA)- The Syrian army intensified its deployment in Al-Qalamoun after it had captured the last militant stronghold of Rankous, the state agency said, adding that the army also regained control over all the residential areas in Aleppo’s town of al-Zahraa. The Syrian armed forces confronted militants’ attempt to attackal-Amiriyeh area near Salah Eddin neighborhood in the city of Aleppo, killing scores of anti-government fighters and injuring others, a military source told the Syrian Arab News Agency. The Syrian troops also targeted insurgents’ gatherings in Alliramoon, the Industrial city, Heritan, surrounding the… Read more »
Canthama
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Level 8 - Legatus Legionis
Canthama

A pathetic leader for a pathetic country, wonder what will happen to Jordan ? Be part of Israell one day ?

Yousef
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Level 0 - Anonymous
Yousef

pathetic. we beat the 70% of Palestinians in during Black September. While bashar can’t even handle these untrained scum. Shut up learn your shit then come and talk

Canthama
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Level 8 - Legatus Legionis
Canthama

It seems we have an angry fellow here. Look, you can love your leader, I give a danm for it, but you can not deny he is a slave to other interests and supported terrorists of all kind to rape and murder innocent lives in Syria, so he is Indeed pathetic for what he did and did not, for being told and for being a slave, and your answer tells me my assessment was right, thank you.
BTW, get some basic eduçation before you even get back answering me.

Anonymous
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Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous

i do think he is stupid for training these scumbags but that doesnt mean that he or my country is pathetic you fool. so are you saying that syria wouldnt let allies of russia train there. i think not

M
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Level 3 - Praetorian

In case somebody missed it…

Jason
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Level 5 - Tribunus Militum
Jason
I have to laugh at the legions of idiots who use the phrase ‘Islamic terrorism’ or ‘Islamism’ when referring to certain groups or goverments. There is nothing quite so remote from religion (even organized religion) than the adherents of this cult like sect of closet atheists and materialists. Why does it just so happen to be that these so called Islamists are all supporters of the ‘free market economy’, why is it that the ideologues and officials of these movements are so obsessed with ‘wealth creation’ and raising the median income while they plunge their nation and people into financial… Read more »
Raad
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Level 2 - Veteran
Raad

Militant killed by SAA Sniper in Zahra

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=f96_1397280037

Raad
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Level 2 - Veteran
Raad

Fustuq Bin ‘Abdul-‘Azeez Bin Khurayyaan ,,,ha ha ha ha,,,,You’ve made my day Ziad THANK TOU.

honey85
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Level 1 - Novice

Sceptics point to the MOOCs’ high drop-out rates, which in some cases exceed 90%. But Coursera and Udacity both insist that this reflects the different expectations of consumers of free products,

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