U.S. STATE DEPARTMENT ANNOUNCES NEW SLANT ON “DIPLOMACY”

American diplomat, Mossad agent, CIA mole and now, Chief Carnival Barker in Washington D.C., Daniel Rubinstein, takes offense when asked about what the new Syrian diplomatic mission can do for anybody. 

DANIEL RUBINSTEIN, THE NEW U.S. AMBASSADOR TO THE SYRIAN ARAB REPUBLIC, IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THE ESTABLISHMENT OF A SYRIAN DIPLOMATIC MISSION IN WASHINGTON LED BY THE NATIONAL COALITION OF SYRIAN REVOLUTION AND OPPOSITION FORCES (NACOSROF) LED BY HIS EXCELLENCY AHMAD JARBAA.

THE DIPLOMATIC MISSION IS UNIQUE IN THAT IT OFFERS SERVICES UNHEARD OF IN THE WORLD OF DIPLOMACY.  IN CONCERT WITH JARBAA BROTHELS UNLIMITED, BAN KI MOON MASSAGE PARLORS AND ADULT ENTERTAINMENT, LITHUANIAN LUBAVITCHERS LEAGUE AND LABWAANI LESBIANS FOR LEASE,  THIS MISSION GIVES SYRIAN CITIZENS WHAT THAT OLD AND LIMITED EMBASSY ON WYOMING N.W. COULD NOT:  HANDS ON SPINAL ADJUSTMENTS, SOFT AND HARD MASSAGES, DISCOUNTED COPY-CAT COLOGNES AND PERFUMES, SEXUAL AIDS AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: AUTOGRAPHED PHOTOS OF THE ONLY TRUE OPPOSITION LEADER, THE RIGHT HONORABLE, HIS EXCELLENCY, THE PRIME MINISTER OF POOP HIMSELF, AHMAD JARBAA!!!

 

Mr. Jarbaa’s pure Shammari Arab features are the rage among Ashkenazi Jews who, like Mr. Rubinstein, plaster their faces regularly with Coppertone indoor tanning dye to attain that much-desired Peninsular look – that simian je ne sais quoi.  

Mr. Jarbaa’s assistant and chief counsel, Ms. Fifi Abu-Falafel, is taking calls now.  Reserve a special spot at the Mission Headquarters just a few houses down on Pennsylvania Avenue from Scoundrel’s Palace.  Our stalls are separated by the finest brocaded vinyl from Cathay itself and our service staff from Korea is most diplomatic.  “Wanna masaaja? Masaaja?” Make no mistake about it, this is the kind of luxury which only Arabian apes from Qatar and Saudi Arabia can afford …… UNTIL TODAY!!  To convince future members of the value we are offering and the need to support us, Mr. Daniel Rubinstein has promoted our new GOLDEN TURKEY ASSOCIATION CARD which guarantees all new members a free session with a “real Jewish psychiatrist” and/or a trial Mikvah in the cesspool of your choice.  Don’t miss the opportunity, also, to have a female or male circumcision with our exclusive SHAYGETZ/MOYLE GROOMING PLAN.  There are so many other services provided we can’t just list them.  (We could be arrested).    

 

Mr. Jarbaa’s assistant, Fifi, lights up to take your call for an experience to cherish at the new SYRIAN DIPLOMATIC MISSION in WASHINGTON D.C. 

The cynics are raving:

I didn’t think Arabs could pull off this kind of trick off.  I’m very pleased for them.”  Benny Mileikowski, Prime Minister of Khazaristan and chief of the Lithuanians Lubavitchers League.

“I’m looking forward to spending more of my time in the capital now that my good friend, Ahmad Jarbaa, is doing his thing. I am curious about certain experiences.”  Madame Banana, wife of Prince Fatso of Catarrh.

“It’s about time the Syrian opposition came forward and started serving the Syrian people.”  President Barack Obama.

Don’t forget, a quick call to 1-202-555-0000 will get you on the train to pleasure.  “Let’s get rid of Assad together by supporting this new diplomatic effort.” Daniel Rubinstein.

“I was wondering when Ahmad would finally take the big step toward servicing….ahem….I mean, serving the Syrian people.”  Robert Ford, former ambassador to Damascus.

THERE IS LITTLE TIME LEFT FOR THE SYRIAN OPPOSITION. CALL NOW AND RESERVE YOUR STALL WITH THE CUSTOMER ADVOCATE OF YOUR CHOICE.  We accept Visa, AmEx and Carte Blanche.


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Mentat
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CHARITY UPDATE: After revising the fluff in his navel all morning Monday, Defence Minister Al-Freij churned the bingo drum in his office to decide that Defence Base 559 in Qadimoun, Rif Damasq, was now surplus to military requirements. He phoned the Islamic Front, apparently some kind of a Turkish NGO, and offered them the 40 tanks and all corresponding ammo gratis if they could clear out the loot by close of business Friday. Luckily, they immediately agreed and even offered to come by his office to let him inspect down the barrel of a T-55. Giddy to be getting his… Read more »
Anonymous
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Mental is an angry Zio-Turkish troll. Two of his illiterate brothers were beheaded during inter-Wahhabi fighting in syria’s Far East, and he lost his sister to sex jihad in Aleppo earlier this year. Please do not judge him harshly for his trolling. We should sympathize.

Raad
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Snackbarians under heavy SAA shelling, taking several losses
Hamah

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=022_1399398790

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[…] Ziad Fadel […]

Bakris Suck
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Level 1 - Novice

Bakri porn studio in the making? will there be titles like “Khalid kills leila’s husband and forces her to ride his jock”? makes sense given their history…

Bakris Suck
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lol sorry wrong article

Canthama
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Canthama

Again the US Government does not stop to surprise, they have to have thousands of people in a creative department in DC only checking what could we do to shame even more this country…..oh yeah, lets give diplomatic status to a nobody entitiy, an entity that represents nothing, no people, no country simply nothing, and please world support them….trust me (USA) because we know what we are doing and we always do the right thing…amazing, shameful and yet the US people do nothing.

Shin
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Shin

Good piece Ziad. The US government has finally morphed into the Roman Empire, a group of power mad psychos trying to play God, and a failing super power fast losing all credibility and influence around the world.

They just don’t seem to get it though do they? The American people need a new political system and fast otherwise these neo-con lunatics and Zionists will drag the whole world into utter chaos and anarchy.

The Thylacine
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The Thylacine

Ziad, your skills are legendary. If there was a Syrian National Lampoon, you’d be the editor.
I nearly damaged myself giggling at the antics of Rubinstein, Jarba – they are comedy gold.
Thanks for the lift – it’s my birthday, and I needed the laugh – Keep up the reportage and the irreverence.
regards,

dudleydoright911
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Man alive given that I have a son and a dog I wouldn’t let rubinstein within 100 feet of me. Judging a book by its cover in some cases is more than prudent.

How Mentat can wake up to his face ( or perhaps posterior ) every morning is disquieting to say the least.

Absolutely hilarious take on this diplomatic joke. The US is essentially abandoning all pretense of lucidity and rule of law and going all in on crazy the world over. I hate to say it but you’re exactly right about the neo cons and those bastards want war period.

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