Abu Hamaam, Al-Jarzi, Abu Hardoob: These largely sedenterized bedouin clans do not take kindly to spaced-out Islamist freaks like those of ISIS. Yesterday, in a brazen assault, citizens of these villages attacked a group of Saudi-controlled ISIS rodents and killed every one of them. The patriotic citizens then reached all the way to Al-Nusoor Junction between Abu Hardoob and Al-Jarzi.
Al-Gharaaneej: In rural Dayr El-Zor, a suicide bomber exploded his vehicle at the entrance to this town killing 7 innocent civilians and wounding 3. The carcass of the lone bomber-rodent was identified as that of:
- Abu Mujaahed Al-Jazraawi
Tabqa Air Base: The ISIS rats, all bursting with vainglory after cornering thousands of innocent Yazidi Iraqis at Jabal Sinjaar, tried their luck against the SAA guarding this large airbase. The attack by over 500 terrorists riding in pickups with heavy anti-aircraft machine guns met with abject failure. The number of dead rats from ISIS exceeds 75 but no detailed assessment has been performed as yet.
Maharda: This Christian town is one place you’d think the rats of Nusra would try to avoid because many of its male citizens were prime picks for special forces. As a Nusra convoy approached a checkpoint and began to jump off to take position, citizens alerted the army immediately and the rats were massacred:
- Ashraf Al-Fahl
- Muhammad Zayn Barakaat
- Fu`aad ‘Ubayd
- Mahdi Rassaam
- Baasel Al-Qaadhi
- Mustafaa Ja’joom
- Rajaa Ahmad
The remaining 32 carcasses have been established as foreign, many being from the Latakia front which is being abandoned as I write. 10 were taken prisoner and are warbling eloquently.
LATAKIA: (In the Al-Rubay’ah area)
Al-Durra: Remnant rodents, many with Egyptian accents, were pulverized by a joint SAA/NDF action. Only these were
- Sulaymaan Al-Fishaawi
- Mahmoud Qaassem
Al-Rawdha: More of the same with rodents skulking around foraging for cheese but having to take lead instead. Another 11 of them were killed last night. You might be interested to learn that this place is where Riyaadh Al-As’ad, the FSA’s Mr. Pegleg of the Year, was given his penultimate blow as he was heading to meet with other FSA leaders. Most of them were killed by an SAAF thermobaric bomb. He lucked out, I guess.