Once again it the solemn duty of the Board of Governors of Syrian Perspective in New York City to announce the winners of the 2014 Dr. Pangloss Awards for those 3 rare individuals whose opinions are inevitably wrong and who have been able, through cunning, chicanery or connections, to remain in their positions despite all the countervailing facts and the utter pointlessness of their very existences. In 2013, the award was given to FU`AAD (“I’m really Iranian”) AJAMI, Professor of Political Science, JOSHUA (“I have an Alawite wife”) LANDIS , professor of something or another about Syria in a Dust Bowl state and ANDREW (“I have only a Masters degree”) TABLER, regular “consultant” to the New York Times which constantly tells us that he is “fluent” (tee hee hee) in Arabic. Fortunately, Fu`aad Ajami slipped the bonds of earth after a bout with prostate cancer in June of 2014 – almost as though he wanted to avoid being re-awarded this coveted prize.
Always sporting a louche smirk indicating acceptance into the world of Cabalistic Zionism, ‘Ajami wowed entrenched Jewry with his smooth, anti-Arab talk and accented fustian. He will not be missed.
Our second winner is Joshua Landis whose pronouncements, qua “expert” on Syria, are regularly quoted by the same nimrods who rush to hear the Delphic eructations of the Syrian Lavatory for Human Blight in England. Landis puts the emphasis on “sectarianism” whenever he regales the torpid crowds of scarf-clad Washingtonian spinsters and dipsomaniacal, cottage-cheese-complected spooks-cum-journalists anxiously hanging on every word he mutters through his buck teeth, sputtering out such testimony to his infallibility as: “You know, my wife is an Alawi” – the not-so-subtle reference to especial insight into the workings of the nefarious Alawis of Syria which only his wife can fathom. Oooh. Aaaah. In one side-splitting discourse on Syria in the summer of 2013, which your illustrious editor watched, gob-smacked and all, at 3:00 a.m. during a surging hunger pang occasioned by drinking too much Glendronach and spring water, Landis gave away the hokum he’s been telling the agape CIA and Foggy Bottom crowd in D.C. even before 2011, that sectarianism will overcome all and that minorities in Syria had better get used to the new Islamization of their country.
No, Ziad. He’s just an All-American boy. But,with a name like “Landis”, which is usually associated with Jewish people, (e.g. John Landis the Judeo-atheist director), I have my suspicions. I don’t know, I think they look alike.
John Landis, seen here smiling for the cameras directed “Trading Places” and is notorious for the direction of the Twilight Zone movie in which 3 actors, including Vic Morrow and 2 child actors of oriental descent died when a helicopter crashed on them decapitating the veteran Mr. Morrow. I still think he looks like Joshua Landis. Okay. Okay. Maybe it’s a slight resemblance.
Our second nominee is the hopeless and ever-befuddled Andrew Tabler whose utterly un-trenchant responses to the NYT’s reporters always involves something like…. “Oh, he’s finished”….”It’s just a matter of a short time”………”He’s on his way to Coventry”…….”He will want to avoid prosecution for war crimes” and so many other pithy comments relating to the longevity of our president, Dr. Bashar Al-Assad. What is amazing is that Tabler has lasted for so long himself in a world where being right (sometimes, at least) is a sine qua non for prime time appearances to face the granite-like stares of mainstream hypocrites acting as journalists. He, like Landis, has been simply wrong about everything and only God knows how many spooks and “analysts” he has led astray with his remarkable record of lapses, goofs and bungles.
High on Sterno, Tabler exudes knowledge acquired the night before while playing alone with his Ouija Board. But you haven’t lived until you hear him speaking in Arabic to Landis or Robert Ford.
AND NOW, THE NEW THIRD RECIPIENT OF THE DR. PANGLOSS AWARD. IT COULDN’T HAVE GONE TO A MORE DESERVING ENGLISHMAN. HE IS NONE OTHER THAN: SCOTT LUCAS!!! (wild applause). Who is he, you ask?
Rough night at the local pub? Hmmm. Well, that’s pretty much what you get when you turn to his poorly-read and hilariously tendentious (or, biased) “news” site where his support for terrorism and cannibalism are there in full view.
He teaches American studies at the University of Birmingham which makes him an expert, you see, on Syria. This wretched specimen of gelatinized English head cheese is renowned for a condition that is almost epidemic in old Albion – called “Baggerspion” which in German is “the uncontrollable urge to stick your head into boarded up construction sites”. Having done this for most of his adult life, he developed a condition similar to chronic subdural hematomas leading to brain death. Try reading his “eaworldview” just once and you’ll know exactly what we mean. Don’t visit it too often even if you manage to expectorate some chuckles. See if you can figure out for whom he works. Could it be the unlucky Univ. of Birmingham? Could it be Madame Banana? Or maybe, he’s jockeying for some emolument to keep the pallor in his British face at the right shade of pale/morbid. Whatever it is, he keeps openly supporting “rebels” (i.e. cannibals) as they cut a wide swath of mayhem and murder across Syria. This rat-supporter actually is given license to teach a new generation (of mostly Pakistani) students in the City of Birmingham the kind of nonsense he spews out in his risible, mostly-invisible bedpan of a website.
Seemingly a Rami Abdul-Rahman clone, Lucas fancies himself a broadcaster of knowledge about Syria, the Middle East and Russia. No matter what nonsense Abdul-Rahman spurts, you will find it in Lucas’ depraved website. If SOHR says the rats have occupied “all” Idlib, 5 will get you 1, you’ll see It repeated religiously in his posts. No Arabic language to speak of, he cannot read original source material placing him at the mercy of the professional liars who have made his “sceptered isle” their home.
All winners of the Dr. Pangloss Award will receive a statuette of the illustrious Voltairian optimist and Leibnitzian quack. They will also receive a SyrPer favorite: a lifetime subscription to the magazine “Awake” published by the Jehovah’s Witnesses along with full-body rubber waders to be used whenever their b.s. gets chest deep, an apparently daily occurrence.
NEWS AND COMMENT:
If you missed Dr. Assad’s interview with that degenerate, Charlie Rose, here it is with subtitles: