Riyaadh Al-As’ad seen in this photo being helped to don his magical flying cape to take him to his fantasy other-world on the Planet Zontar.
IDLIB: This just in from reliable sources: the illustrious founder of the “Free Syrian Army” has apparently used his 9th life yesterday when a Syrian Army artillery shell crossed paths with the runway janitor-deserter-war criminal and sent him hobbling off to Hell. He screamed “I want to die” in March of 2013 after learning he had joined the long list of mono-pedal morons courtesy of a car bomb placed just for him in the eastern Syrian town of Al-Mayaadeen. He has belatedly received his wish. My sources say it’s not certain that he was killed, but, terrorist communications monitored by the MI indicate he was killed in the Syrian town of Ishtabraq. Even the location is not certain. So, don’t rush to your wine cellars to crack open that special bottle of Dom Perignon until we have absolute confirmation.
Al-Kufayr Village: The Nusra and Jaysh Al-Fat-h groups were hit by the SAAF yesterday and today killing an estimated 44 mostly foreign rodents:
Muhammad Khaalid Al-Shaykh (leader of a group called Liwaa` Al-Zubayr)
Musheeb Al-Shaybaani (SAUDI ARABIAN FLY DNA STRAND)
‘Abdul-Raheem Haaroon Ghatafaan (SAUDI ARABIAN STOOL SAMPLE)
Yahyaa Khalaf Al-Yusuf
‘Ammaar Muhammad ‘Abdul-Jaleel ‘Uthmaan
The rest were not named, yet.
Jisr Al-Shughoor: The Alqaeda terrorist swine tried once again to invade the National Hospital at the southern entrance to the town. As they tried to push in another suicide truck-bomber, the SAAF took to the skies and lit up the area. The suicide bomber did reach the periphery of the hospital causing damage, however. In any case, according to Wael in Latakia, the rats took another right hook from the SAA. All the rodents involved in this area of the town are Chechens, Daghestaanis and Kazakhs. I have reports, also, from the town indicating that large numbers of rodents are trying to flee the battle zone. Many of the injured have been spirited off to certain death at the hands of Turk quacks in Reyhanli. We can also confirm the deaths of 4 Turkish active-duty officers in Jisr Al-Shughoor. How do we know? The rats have sent urgent messages to their Turk handlers telling them that there were 19 of their litter-mates killed here and that 4 are “the Turkish officers”.
Jisr Al-Shughoor: At the sugar factory, the Syrian Army proved the rodents don’t own the town by killing another 17 rats, one of whom was an important leader of a group led by:
Abu Usaamaa Al-Raaqi (Id pending)
Sirmaaniyya and Ghaaniyya: Watch these little village in the north of the Waadi Al-Ghaab carefully. The SAA is tightening the noose around Jisr Al-Shughoor and these hamlets will tell you when and where the final battle will take place.
Ma’ar-Taybi Hill: The SAA has now completely eradicated the rats here and has taken complete control.
Shaykh Al-Jaabir Village: Syrian soldiers in the south of Jisr Al-Shughoor turned their guns on rats inside this village and vaporized them, apparently. The rats withdrew quickly leaving their putrescent dead including their leader who once proudly commanded this group called the North Sky Brigade. (Oh, plllleeeazz!)