DAMASCUS: I have just received an ecstatically jubilant memo from Monzer’s wife in Damascus: the MoD is about to announce the complete eradication of all rats from the summer resort town of Al-Zabadaani. The assault, as many know, started on Friday night and continued into Saturday morning, Damascus time. The assault was carried out by mostly Syrian Army infantry and Hizbullah commandos. The city was, for the most part, already liberated except for areas where stubborn, non-local resistance continued its reign of terror. The military surrounded the area completely beginning in the sister resort city of Bloodaan and capping the process off by occluding the former supply routes through the western mountains. Initial reports, based on intercepted communications between Zionist rodents in northern Occupied Palestine and rat leaders inside the town, prove the Zionist imbeciles knew the game was over and suggested the rodents try to escape. That, naturally, was not an option. They were speaking, by the way, in English and Arabic, although most of the Arabic was described as “broken” indicating the rodents had been in Syria long enough to pick up some kitchen Arabic. TAKE IT TO THE BANK. THE TOWN OF ZABADAANI IS NOW COMPLETELY UNDER THE CONTROL OF THE LEGITIMATE SYRIAN AUTHORITIES LED BY DR. BASHAR AL-ASSAD. From Al-Qusayr, to Dayr El-Zor, to Al-Hasaka, to Tal Kalakh, to Der’ah, to Qalamoon, to Latakia — the Syrian Army is establishing a concatenation of victories which cannot be denied and which will lead this year to the liberation of the lands of Syria and the defeat of the Jordanteezian-Zionist-British-Saudi-Qatari- supported vermin.
THIS JUST IN: SYRIAN ARMY HAS TAKEN THE AL-TAL SUMMIT NEAR AL-ZABADAANI.