MECCA, SAUDI ARABIA: Truly, God moves in strange ways. Over the “holy” sands of the Arabian Peninsula sits a mosque called the Grand Mosque. It can accommodate thousands of pilgrims. And in the spirit of the Wahhabist regime which continues to torment the people of this land and its Mohamedan legacy, a Wahhabist crane operator managed to smash his insect-like metal boom right down into the throngs of worshipers just as they were proclaiming their love for the great God who gave them life and took it away so suddenly and incomprehensibly. It is a sign from the Heavens, we say! It is obvious the Lord of Hosts, has sent down his wrath by clubbing the Saudi operator of the crane on the noggin causing him to lean forward and dip his metal arm into a bustling ocean of humanity. Deaths in the tens (80+), according to preliminary reports. People were seen running away, their white dishdashas looking more like the used bedsheets of a hotel’s honeymoon suite.
The king of Arabia who will soon be the Grand Cahuna of Aruba, if he’s lucky, has not made any statement due to his unique cognitive situation. Early reports indicate King Salman has ordered that all relatives of the dead be awarded a Citizens watch as a memento of his grief. Others who were injured have been given halal Taco Bell coupons which will expire next Wednesday. Le roi est un idiot! Vive le roi!
UNITED ARAB EMIRATES: What do you do when your army is made up of inept boy scouts who just can’t dodge bullets? You withdraw them, right?
Right, mate! And that’s exactly what has happened. The High Command of the United Arab Emirates Boy Lovers Association, has decided that its involvement in the crackpot Saudi plan to return defrocked president Al-Haadi to office in Yemen has become a bit of a nuisance to the population of their Lilliputian empire of indolence. With over 300 young rodents killed in one engagement by Yemeni patriots using crude ground to ground missiles enhanced for them by Syrian engineers, the Emirati illiterati decided its time to cut their losses and bring back the remaining 12 before the Yemeni fighters cook their goose too. And so, the saga of the UAE invasion; the dedication of a new Martyr’s Square to extol the sacrifices of dead boy scouts who gave their lives to defend the Peninsula from enemies who did not exist; and all the hoopla about the Coalition has come to its final, logical reductio ad absurdum. Ragheads can’t fight. It’s as simple as that. Too much money from natural resources creates a state of Zombie-Daseinigkeit which is not conducive for physical exertion.
NEWS AND COMMENT:
Eric Draitser contrasts Russia’s approach to Obama’s. Take your pick. Which is the more sensible and civilized?